Today this woman walked into our office. She's the girlfriend of my coworker, Dan, and she was there to have lunch with him. I had not yet met her, so I introduced myself.

"Hi, I'm H, it's nice to finally meet you," I said.

She replied, "Oh, you're the comedian!"

She then reached over the desk, grabbed a hold of my hair, and slammed my my face into the desk six or seven times...I lost count because I blacked out temporarily.

I then jumped up and did a flying rabbit kick to her gut, sending her flailing backwards into the chairs in our waiting area. I leapt over my desk and went after her. With my nose broken in at least three places, I grabbed her by her hair and dragged her to our front door. I proceeded to slam our front door on her head repeatedly, all while screaming, "Say uncle, bitch!"

She said uncle, so I stopped. But it was all a ploy. She spun around on the ground and knocked my feet out from under me. I managed a quick chop to her voice box. She sat there gasping and sputtering as I grabbed a chair and raised it up over my head.

Then Dan came out to the front area to meet her for lunch. I dropped the chair and went back to work and then they went out to lunch.