The Cat in the Hat

I have no urge to see the new movie "The Cat in the Hat." I wish Hollywood would stop making these cartoon-to-live-action movies, because 99% of them are crap. One can also tell how horrible a movie will be based on how many advertising tie-ins the movie has before it opens. I think Cat in the Hat has about 400.

Yet the fun part in all of these craptacular live-action movies are the reviews. Today I've read some reviews of Cat in the Hat and I would like to share some of the more creative quotes these folks are throwing out.

From the Boston Globe:
"At one point in ''The Cat in the Hat,'' the Cat, played by Mike Myers, is mistaken for a pinata by a group of children at a birthday party. One by one, they line up to smack him, and the scene culminates with a husky lad swinging a baseball bat directly into the unfortunate feline's cojones.

That's a remarkably precise metaphor for what this movie does to the memory of Dr. Seuss. If the producers had dug up Ted Geisel's body and hung it from a tree, they couldn't have desecrated the man more."

From FilmCritic.com:
"Judging from this humorless monstrosity, the Cat team spent 10 years working on their film’s decorative appearance and a combined 10 minutes writing sleazy jokes and a catastrophic script that I wouldn’t use to line a litter box....

Never before has a title character sucked the energy and humor out of a project the way Myers does when he prances across the screen. His black cat is a Roach Motel of comedy. Jokes go in, but the laughs don’t come out."

From the Village Voice:
"The Cat in the Hat comes scarily close to being the most unendurable Hollywood creation of the last dozen years."

From the NY Times:
"Hollywood has turned Dr. Seuss' whimsical story into a vulgar, uninspired lump of poisoned eye candy."

I think you get the idea. It must be fun to be a film critic when you get the rip apart a movie like this.