Oh, Michael Jackson, just what are you doing?

Come on, we were all fans of yours for so long! I had the "Thriller" record when I was a kid. I wished I could have a tiger cub and cool outfits. I watched the "Thriller" video and got scared, but I also wanted to learn the cool zombie dance moves.

My impression of you made me popular amongst my friends all through elementary school and up to college. They'd yell, "Quick, do the Michael Jackson thing!" And then I'd quickly do a moonwalk, spin, grab ABOVE my crotch (you don't expect a kid to do that kind of impression now, do you? Wait, don't answer that...), and then finish it off with a high-pitched "A-Hey-Hee! Ow!"

I was able to shrug off your going through massive physical changes over the years -- I knew I loved your music. I thought as long as you made good music, then you could do whatever the hell you wanted. Then you started hanging out with a chimp named Bubbles. Then you made a greatest hits CD that was good, but come on, MJ, the album art work showed a huge statue of you set up in some anonymous city square with people cheering and worshipping all around it.

You started wearing masks, marrying and then divorcing random celebrity women, sleeping in the same bed as Macaulay Caulkin, hanging your baby off balconies, etc... The list goes on, man.

And now look at what's going on.

Why didn't you just stop after you built an amusement park at your ranch? Who the hell needs more than that?! Seriously! If I wake up at 3am and have the urge to ride a roller coaster or take a nice calming ride on a merry-go-round, I'd have to drive 3 hours out to Six Flags, then wait til they opened, and I'd STILL have to wait in a hour-long line.

You can just walk out to your backyard. WHY WOULD YOU RUIN THAT?!

What a waste.