Taste-free

"I know I have acid reflux disease to an extent, but it's never actually made my stomach hurt before," I said to the doctor.

I shifted, loudly crackling the white paper covering the examing table under me. The flourescent lights hummed above me as the doctor scribbled something down on her notepad.

"Usually I just get heartburn, pop a Tums, and everything's fine," I continued, filling the quiet.

"And your stomach hurt all last week?" The doctor asked, looking up from her notepad.

"Yes," I replied. "And that fun pain culminated in a lovely evening of me hurling in a Red Lobster parking lot after my parents' wedding anniversary dinner."

The doctor made a face conveying both pity and humor. We both laughed.

"I know," I said, laughing. "Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!"

The doctor laughed again. "How is your stomach now?" she asked. It had been only two days since what I now referred to as 'The Red Lobster Incident.'

"Kinda shaky."

She wrote more down on her notepad. I looked around at the degrees on the wall.

"Okay," she continued after a moment of writing. "We'll try something that will hopefully work. Let's try to alter your diet, it may show us whether or not you have an ulcer."

Yikes, I thought. "So this stomach acid problem can really reach points bad enough to make someone vomit?" I hate vomiting.

"Yes."

I shifted, crackling the exam table paper again.

"Okay," I continued after a moment of shifting. "What's this diet going to be like?"

"Bland. Eat bland food for a week. No meats, no dairy, no raw uncooked vegetables -- basically don't eat anything that is hard to digest. Eat rice, crackers, things like that."

"How about sawdust and woodchips?"

She laughed. "I would stick with food. I'll prescribe you some Prevacid-type medicine. Eat your bland diet. Then call me in a few days and let me know how things are working. The medicine should make you start feeling better by about Wednesday or so."

She scribbled out a presciption slip. "Take this to Nancy up front," she said, handing the slip to me.

I looked down at the illegible writing and sighed. "Let's hope this works."

She smiled. I slid off the exam table, the paper crackling behind me. She busied herself at her desk while I grabbed my jacket, opened the door and left her office.