Hold on, I'm going to put you on speakerphone...

I'm sure speaker phone seemed like a good idea at the time. And actually, it is a good idea. Having a meeting by just passing one phone receiver around amongst 15 people maybe isn't the most economical or efficient way to do things.

My problem is that no one knows how to talk when on speakerphone. No one makes any adjustments for the fact that you must pause in between statements so you can hear each other on the line. At least, no one makes this adjustment until the last five minutes of the meeting. For the first 55 minutes, you get this:

#1: Hi let's talk about the meeting---
#2: Yes but-
#1: and then we'll go over the figures--
#2: What?
#1: Figures, we're going over the figures and then--
#2: Oh yes, the figures.
(whispering in background)
#1: What?
#2: Nothing, go on.
#1: Do you have the figures? I think mine--
#2: No, don't you? What?
#1: You don't have them? Is that what you said?
#2: The figures? I can't hear you. Speak--
#1: Chiggers? Who said anything about chiggers? Please stay on topic--
#2: Oh, the figures. How is that myopic?
#1: --because we have to -- what?
(whispering in background)
#2: Go on.
#1: Did you just drop something? I heard--
#2: Why are you swearing? We didn't do anything.
#1: Please stop.

And so on and so forth. As I'm sitting here typing this, I can hear some of my coworkers and their clients in some other city shouting from the conference room. I think they're discussing something about beards and tapioca.