Blame the tropics

What is going on in the tropics? Here I just come back from Florida a week ago, and now I most likely will head back next week -- depending on where Hurricane Frances makes landfall. Apparently this past August tied for the most active August as far as tropical conditions go. Crazy.

Anyway, some tidbits from my last trip to Florida. It really is the land of the old people. I was waiting at the airport for my flight to Tampa, and the gate area was like a nursing home. There were seven or eight elderly folks in wheelchairs waiting to board. The pre-boarding time for those with special concerns took longer than the regular boarding time.

But I made it to Tampa okay. And just to make me fit in to the local atmosphere better, Budget Rent-A-Car gave me a free upgrade to a Buick Regal. So I made sure to drive in the right lane of the highway at 25mph with my turn signal on -- just to truly get the Florida experience.

Anyway, Florida in August is hot. Hmm, I can describe that better.

Florida in August is a climate that only Satan himself could have created. Yeah, that's better.

Florida in August is so freakin' hot, I even saw Satan fanning himself next to the pool at my hotel. That works.

I was fortunate enough to have rented a car before showing up in cover the ravaged lands of Florida, yet my company and my foresight were not enough to have reserved me a hotel room. This lead to me driving around for three hours the first night trying to find anything that wasn't booked solid. For some odd reason, we hadn't thought of the fact that every relief worker and their mom were now in town to help out, so there was no room at any inn. I finally found a room at the overpriced Crowne Plaza Hotel in downtown Tampa.

I won't complain about that, though, considering there are so many folks in Florida now who don't even have a home. Hurricane Charley left a path of destruction like I have never seen in my life. Entire mobile home parks were leveled. Metal was twisted and bent around trees, and huge steel telephone and light poles were bent in half. Powerline poles were snapped in half like matches. Insane.

But with the bad, comes the good. The relief workers are amazing, and so many are doing all they can to help. I was humbled and honored to be able to be down there to write about it and see it for myself.

I was also able to find humor in many situations. As I cruised around in the ol' Buick -- which I lovingly named The Tank because of its size compared to my Saturn -- I saw and experienced some funny things.

Some of the more creative resident spray-painted signs I saw include the following:

-Hurricane Charley Blows!
-You loot, I shoot
-Chuck Farley

In my six days of Florida travel and disaster coverage, I drove over 1,400 miles. The damage is spread from Punta Forda up into Orlando and Daytona Beach. That much driving will cause anyone to act a little weird at certain points in the day. I wrote a song about The Waffle House by my hotel to the tune of 'God Bless America.' I accidentally cut off a state highway patrolman, who was nice enough to let me off after I apologized profusely. He even said he had other things to do.

I also found some of the damaged businesses that proudly proclaimed they were still open very funny. I passed a Hooters in Kissimmee that had a huge banner up saying 'WE ARE OPEN!!!!' I cheered and promptly thanked the Lord right then for making sure the folks of Kissimmee could still enjoy the wonders of Hooters. THANK YOU, JESUS!!!!

I did have some downtime to both relax and see some local sights. I saw the Salvador Dali museum in St. Petersburg, which was awesome. I also spent 45 minutes on Venice Beach, where the water was about 80 degrees. And the rest of the time I was writing or driving.

Next week, I may be there again, only on the other side of the state this time. Sheesh, the hurricanes won't stop! PEOPLE OF FLORIDA, GEORGIA, SOUTH CAROLINA AND NORTH CAROLINA , AIM YOUR FANS TO THE WEST!!