Friday, November 19, 2004

Too much time on their hands...

I've always thought that some members of the religious "right" are a tad off and well, honestly, a bit crazy with some of their fundamentalism. I think it's sad that entire organizations are formed to fight gay marriage and then they have tons of money poured into them. Aren't there more important things in this world that that money could be going to? How about feeding the hungry? Housing the poor? Tutoring kids? I don't know, maybe ALL OF THE STUFF JESUS TALKED ABOUT?!

But, I can't fault them for being consistent and really believing that being anti-gay marriage is the right way to go. I don't agree with them and wish they'd spend their time and money elsewhere, but they're going to do what they're going to do.

It's just that when I occasionally peruse the "pro-family" websites and find gems like this review of the movie 'Shark Tale' that I really wonder about these folks.

First, go read that article.

Second, how much time do these people have on their hands? To sit through a movie and wonder and then analyze and write up an editorial about a movie's supposed gay undertones -- wow.

Third, it's obvious these folks are terrified of gay people. They can't even go to the movies anymore -- REGULAR MOVIES WITH NO OBVIOUS TIES TO GAYS -- without finding something in it that makes them think about gay people. Come on, it's a friggin' movie about a shark! Becauase he wants to dress up like a dolphin means there's an obvious link encouraging the kids of today to cross-dress?

How many "pro-family" parents are going to freak out next year when their kids ask to be a dolphin for Halloween? "No, son, that means you're a fruit! AAAHHHH!!" Of course, that's assuming that these folks would even let their kids celebrate Halloween in the first place. That's a holiday straight from Satan. And actually, because it involves dressing up, it can now be linked to being gay and encouraging the children of America to be gay. GOD SAVE US!!

Come on, people. How about taking all that spare time you have, American Family Association, and really trying to encourage families -- ALL families -- to stick together and love each other no matter what? I think that's more what 'Shark Tale' was trying to imply anyway.

Anyway, let me help the American Family Association out now by looking around my desk to see what others things I can blame for encouraging me to be gay.

The phone -- Yup, I can use that to call other women, which means I'm a lesbian.

A bag of tortilla chips -- Mmm hmm, that makes me think of dinner, and gays
take each other out to dinner and do other horrible things after that, like watch movies or play softball.

My laptop computer -- Ohmigod, yes! My laptop has gay undertones, I mean, just consider the name of it: LAPTOP. Gays think of laps and tops all the time. DAMN YOU, DELL! YOU MADE ME GAY! Oh, and also, computers allow tomorrow's homosexuals to access naughty websites that will teach them how to be gay. That's two points against laptop computers.

Chapstick -- Well, obviously, only real straight women wear lipstick and not chapstick. So its mere presence -- despite its being pink in color and melon in flavor (obvious girly things) -- makes me a homo.

Mouse -- Lesbians love animals and have, like, 2 million pets. I don't care that this mouse is attached to my computer and not, in fact, squeaky or cheese-loving in nature. It has an animal name, which makes me a big ol' lesbian.

A stack of business cards -- Hello?! These aren't links to fellow business people with whom I will conduct business. It's a list of potential people to hook up with, because gays are insanely promiscuous, and that's why we should keep marriage away from them because then they'd only be with one...person..no, wait...that line of reasoning doesn't work. Hmm, better contact the AFA for some more meaningless rhetoric to spew about promiscuous gays and not letting them get married.

I could go on, but I'll stop. That's enough for the AFA to deal with for now - I mean, that's a lot of work. They now have to run an ad campaign against telephones, tortilla chips, laptop computers (*shudder* that's so against nature!), chaptstick, mice, and business cards.

Good luck, AFA, and Godspeed on your way to insanity.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, while i agree the AFA does have way too much time on their hands, i have to admit when i went to see the movie "shark tale" i honestly saw the ties to a coming out story. i went with my mom and little sister and sat through the movie thinking it was so like my experience coming out. it's really bizarre, i know, but it's the truth. for me the movie was a really positive thing about acceptance and love and it made me very happy, but i can see why crazy bigoted people would be upset. maybe this makes me crazy, too, but have you seen the movie? it's really quite interesting.

November 19, 2004 4:35 PM  
Blogger H said...

I see the parallels between the movie's shark character and coming out, I just thought it was funny that the AFA guy wrote an entire editorial up about it, complete with cited lines from the various characters just to prove it was comparable to homosexuality.

I mean, I guess it doesn't surprise me anymore, but still, I found it humorous.

November 19, 2004 4:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People talked about the Little Mermaid being about coming out, too. I think coming out is a universal story--about wanting to be who you truly are and about having your family and friends love and accept you. What's ironic is that this reviewer has decided that because the story can be applied to gays, that it couldn't apply to anyone else's story.

Amy

November 23, 2004 12:26 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Here's my two cents about the "fundamentalist movement" if I can call it that. It seems more and more that these individual's passions are becoming their cause. Whether their passion is anti-gay, abortion, vote-for-Bush, King James Bible, whatever, they are living for that cause, rather than keeping the main thing (Jesus) the mail thing. When did our religious beliefs (especially Christians) give us the "right" to hate certain groups of people - it doesn't, rather the opposite. The election comes to mind, regaurdless of my political stance I was able to recognize that both candidates were creating in the image of God, in His likeness - thus leaving me to believe that casting my vote one way or the other does not make me less of a Christain. Though the buzz on the street was "if you're a Christian you will vote for Bush, voting for Kerry is a heresy!!" PUKE.

Anyway, I've rambled. Basically, have passions, but if your passions have become your cause it is likely you are turning people away fom Jesus.

I enjoyed your post. Happy Thanksgiving!

November 24, 2004 11:31 AM  
Blogger Tara said...

See also the link off my blog to the story of the Sadie Hawkins-esque "spirit day" for homecoming that was taken off the calendar because clearly having girls ask out boys might lead to a gay lifestyle?? I don't follow the logic either.
liked the analogies.
tarastotle.blogspot.com

November 24, 2004 1:12 PM  
Blogger Eric M said...

Angela, opposing items on the gay agenda doesn't make you hateful.

EricM

November 26, 2004 6:01 PM  
Blogger a c said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Heather. I miss you.

November 27, 2004 5:22 PM  
Blogger H said...

Heh heh, the gay agenda. I know my brother is not anti-gay, but it cracks me up when so many people will always claim that the gay folks have an agenda. Just makes me think of every gay in the US having a palm pilot with our "agenda" automatically entered into it. And gays receive the palm pilot whenever they come out. Har har.

If we do have an agenda, it just has this entry on it: "To do: Get equal rights."

December 01, 2004 10:03 AM  
Blogger Keith said...

I was just clicking throught blogs and I found this one, that is a really good read and I totally agree. On the one hand all the religious people are all for equality, fairness and helping people but on the other they hoard money (making no references to the catholic church of course), disciminate against minorities and as you put it quite well are "a bit crazy". As a gay person I find it disgusting that the religious people who call themselfes religious and go to church etc can even think about discriminating against their fellow humans. After all we are all basically the same only with little tweaks.

Just my opinion but this is something I feel strongly about!

December 01, 2004 4:18 PM  

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