Updates, misc., and so on and so forth
#1 - Today, as I was typing one of those "update on my life" emails to a friend, I wrote the following sentence:,
"That's right, I'm violent. Right now I'm holding a shiv. I am typing while holding a shiv."
And then I wondered, what is the correct spelling of 'shiv'? Wanting to be correct, I googled it, and discovered a lot.
Then, I thought, how nerdy and non-gangsta of me to even wonder how to spell shiv in the first place! I am so not from the streets. Then I thought, where am I from, and why don't those of us from that particular place have a cool phrase like "from the streets?" Would I say I'm from the fields? I'm not really from the 'burbs, or from the city. I like "from the fields." That's right, kids whose parents had tractors and big gardens and such. Represent. Straight outta the township, yo.
Okay, maybe not.
#2 - I'm sore this week because the wife and I have been doing Tae-bo. That's right, Tae-bo. I am fully aware that Tae-bo is, like, so five years ago. But, it's cold outside, which makes going for walks much less fun. Plus, we inherited a bunch of Tae-bo tapes from an old roommate. So, why not use them?
Our favorite is the Tae-bo LIVE! tape where Billy Blanks goes through 40 minutes of exercise while a live workout audiences goes through 40 minutes of pain and awkwardness behind him. Billy Blanks is horrible at explaining how to do the exercises, so the workout audience stumbles about until he shuts up and demonstrates.
I swear one of the workout ladies right behind Billy is totally on crank or speed or crystal meth or whatever the cool slang term is now for the drug that makes you skinny, crazy, and able to move at unbelievably fast speeds while flailing about. I think the camera pans away from her at one point (to focus on a punching and kicking grandma) while crank lady shoots up and jams some pills. It's pretty awesome.
#3 - I am now a college student again. Well, kind of. On Tuesday I signed up for the 'Intro to Meteorology' course for the spring semester at our local community college. I'm pumped about it, because I am a weather geek. I watch the Weather Channel all the time. I have tons of weather books. I look forward to each year's "Farmer's Almanac." I regularly have friends ask me what the weather will be like for the week, knowing full well I will bore them with a brief discussion on where the low and high pressure fronts are in the country and how the jet stream is affecting our current weather pattern. Want more? Let me lull you to sleep while I talk about dry-adiabatic lapse rates and Karman street vortices. Oh yeah.
My wife told me I will definitely be the teacher's pet in this course, and she's right. It'd be nice to have a mentor for all this. I'm trying to decide if this is just a hobby of mine, or something I should pursue professionally. Besides, Amy doesn't think it's romantic when I say we should do more things together -- like measure our local barometric pressure or convert a number from inches of mercury to millibars.
#4 - Did you know that at any point of time you think about it -- we earthlings are traveling around the sun at a rate of 67,000 mph?
#5 - Our cat is doing fine, thanks for asking.
OK, yeah, you got me. Nobody really asked.
But I'll tell you anyway. Tuesday the cat is crazy as ever. She is jumping on the counters again, which meant that Amy and I had to put down our mats covered with two-sided tape again. That's apparently supposed to dissuade a cat from getting on something -- they don't like the sticky feeling on their paws or whatever.
I do enjoy coming home after work each day and checking all the tape mats for signs of a cat vs. masking tape struggle. Tuesday hates us and I think she will eventually get back at us, but not until she can figure out how to use masking tape quietly. I recently discovered her kitty cat "Defeat the Humans" drawing board where she regularly devises plans on how to overthrow her captors. I think my consistent taunting of her lack of thumbs has doomed Amy and I to always look over our shoulders and sleep with one eye open.
When not at her kitty cat drawing board of terror, Tuesday tries to convince us that she's a normal cat by running around, chasing stuff, leaving a large mess of cat litter all over the bathroom, and looking cute and innocent when we find her holding a pair of scissors in her paws.
She has endless amounts of energy (which must really benefit her task of determining how to kill us), and has quickly taught us that buying her toys is useless because she will only play with the packaging. She loves playing soccer with a tennis ball, attacking a paper towel tube, and playing with the stick end of a toy mouse on a stick.
I hope she never figures out how to make a shiv.
#1 - Today, as I was typing one of those "update on my life" emails to a friend, I wrote the following sentence:,
"That's right, I'm violent. Right now I'm holding a shiv. I am typing while holding a shiv."
And then I wondered, what is the correct spelling of 'shiv'? Wanting to be correct, I googled it, and discovered a lot.
Then, I thought, how nerdy and non-gangsta of me to even wonder how to spell shiv in the first place! I am so not from the streets. Then I thought, where am I from, and why don't those of us from that particular place have a cool phrase like "from the streets?" Would I say I'm from the fields? I'm not really from the 'burbs, or from the city. I like "from the fields." That's right, kids whose parents had tractors and big gardens and such. Represent. Straight outta the township, yo.
Okay, maybe not.
#2 - I'm sore this week because the wife and I have been doing Tae-bo. That's right, Tae-bo. I am fully aware that Tae-bo is, like, so five years ago. But, it's cold outside, which makes going for walks much less fun. Plus, we inherited a bunch of Tae-bo tapes from an old roommate. So, why not use them?
Our favorite is the Tae-bo LIVE! tape where Billy Blanks goes through 40 minutes of exercise while a live workout audiences goes through 40 minutes of pain and awkwardness behind him. Billy Blanks is horrible at explaining how to do the exercises, so the workout audience stumbles about until he shuts up and demonstrates.
I swear one of the workout ladies right behind Billy is totally on crank or speed or crystal meth or whatever the cool slang term is now for the drug that makes you skinny, crazy, and able to move at unbelievably fast speeds while flailing about. I think the camera pans away from her at one point (to focus on a punching and kicking grandma) while crank lady shoots up and jams some pills. It's pretty awesome.
#3 - I am now a college student again. Well, kind of. On Tuesday I signed up for the 'Intro to Meteorology' course for the spring semester at our local community college. I'm pumped about it, because I am a weather geek. I watch the Weather Channel all the time. I have tons of weather books. I look forward to each year's "Farmer's Almanac." I regularly have friends ask me what the weather will be like for the week, knowing full well I will bore them with a brief discussion on where the low and high pressure fronts are in the country and how the jet stream is affecting our current weather pattern. Want more? Let me lull you to sleep while I talk about dry-adiabatic lapse rates and Karman street vortices. Oh yeah.
My wife told me I will definitely be the teacher's pet in this course, and she's right. It'd be nice to have a mentor for all this. I'm trying to decide if this is just a hobby of mine, or something I should pursue professionally. Besides, Amy doesn't think it's romantic when I say we should do more things together -- like measure our local barometric pressure or convert a number from inches of mercury to millibars.
#4 - Did you know that at any point of time you think about it -- we earthlings are traveling around the sun at a rate of 67,000 mph?
#5 - Our cat is doing fine, thanks for asking.
OK, yeah, you got me. Nobody really asked.
But I'll tell you anyway. Tuesday the cat is crazy as ever. She is jumping on the counters again, which meant that Amy and I had to put down our mats covered with two-sided tape again. That's apparently supposed to dissuade a cat from getting on something -- they don't like the sticky feeling on their paws or whatever.
I do enjoy coming home after work each day and checking all the tape mats for signs of a cat vs. masking tape struggle. Tuesday hates us and I think she will eventually get back at us, but not until she can figure out how to use masking tape quietly. I recently discovered her kitty cat "Defeat the Humans" drawing board where she regularly devises plans on how to overthrow her captors. I think my consistent taunting of her lack of thumbs has doomed Amy and I to always look over our shoulders and sleep with one eye open.
When not at her kitty cat drawing board of terror, Tuesday tries to convince us that she's a normal cat by running around, chasing stuff, leaving a large mess of cat litter all over the bathroom, and looking cute and innocent when we find her holding a pair of scissors in her paws.
She has endless amounts of energy (which must really benefit her task of determining how to kill us), and has quickly taught us that buying her toys is useless because she will only play with the packaging. She loves playing soccer with a tennis ball, attacking a paper towel tube, and playing with the stick end of a toy mouse on a stick.
I hope she never figures out how to make a shiv.
posted by H at
1:47 PM
2 Comments:
your posts always make me laugh, so thanks for that. i used your link for shiv and still have no idea what it is. is that bad? i agree that the rest of us need some sort of equivalent to "from the streets" unfortunately, mine would be from the woods. which just makes me sound freaky. or like a murderer. if i were a murderer, would i use a shiv? hmmm.
shannon
(from over at divinemaddness)
Hey Heather! I bought stamps a couple weeeks ago that have pictures of cloud formations on them. They are labeled and have a brief description on the back for each type of cloud. Anyway, I thought of you when I bought them. Eric has briefed me on your weather fasination.
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