Pittsburgh Notes

I'm back from snowy Pittsburgh in one piece. My little Ford Focus rental car was an appropriate sleigh for the week, what with my only having gotten in four accidents while in town.

I'm kidding. The driving was fine, for the most part. On my way into town, it didn't snow until right when I hit the city limits -- a sort of "Welcome to Pitt!" from the city. It was very sudden. First a first snowflakes, then I noticed that I was rapidly approaching wall of white.

Fortunately, Pittsburgers seem to be able to drive when it snows. I worry about my first snow in Maryland, as apparently people treat it like the end of the world down here when it snows an inch or so.

Anyway, some general notes;

#1- I am so very tired of Christmas music. I thought that my rental car would have a CD player, so I brought CDs. Then upon getting the car, I saw that it only had a tape player. Oh yes. A 4 and 1/2 hour drive with only the radio to rely on. So beyond realizing that the majority of radio stations outside of the Baltimore area west are country stations, the rest played Christmas music non-stop. I think I heard that George Michael song "Last Christmas I gave you my heart song" about 3,000 times.

#2- Related to #1, just because Pittsburgers drive well in snow doesn't mean they are nice drivers in general. During one attempted merge onto the highway, several cars just would not be polite enough to let me in. So, I launched into my usual solo driving habit of yelling obscenities at other drivers. My windows were up, of course, as I'm a wuss and wouldn't yell these foul things at people to their faces. They're for my own enjoyment, really. I like to see how creative I can get.

I'm sure other drivers like watching me yell in my car when they don't know what I'm saying. When I see other drivers doing this, I like to imagine what they're saying. Maybe it's, "I'D LIKE TO BUY YOU SOME FLOWERS!!" or "THANKS FOR CUTTING ME OFF, YOU POLITE DRIVER!" or "I ENJOY IT WHEN YOU DRIVE SLOWLY, IT REMINDS ME OF HOW I SHOULD BE A SAFER DRIVER!!" or even, "DON'T YOU LIKE THE MANICURE I JUST GOT FOR THE NAIL ON MY MIDDLE FINGER?!!"

Anyway, while launching into a foul-mouthed tirade at people not letting me merge, I noticed that "We need a little Christmas" had come on the radio. This made for an interesting juxtaposition that made me wish someone had been filming it. There I am, yelling phrases combining swear words and miscellaneous zoo animal names, while a jolly holiday choir sings out "Bring out the holly....Well we need a little Christmas, just a little Christmas...."

#3- The second cheap hotel I stayed by choice of my boss was a Super 8. It was in a more scenic area of the Pittsburgh region, so upon entering my hotel room, I thought, "Hey, this is a nice scenic area with mountains, and my room doesn't face the parking lot, so I bet I have a nice view!" I went over to the window, drew back the curtains, and revealed my scenic view: A wastewater treatment plant. Mmm. Fortunately it didn't smell.

#4- State troopers must love how people react upon seeing them. I saw plenty of them while driving, but I really don't speed so I don't have to worry too much. One time one trooper car did startle me because it just suddenly appeared right behind. They always seem to do that. Anyway, his lights weren't on, but I got out of his way because he was tailgating me like crazy. Why do cops always speed?

But as I watched him move up behind other cars, it was really funny because no one wanted to speed up to get out of his way. He kept getting stuck behind cars that would take forever to move to the right because they did not want to speed up in order to let him pass. People are that paranoid. I was, too. It took me a little bit to be able to pass the car on my right before I could move. I wonder how irritating this is to cops and state troopers.

#5- The Ford Focus can handle snow drifts between one and two feet tall, if you get enough of a running start. And I brought that car back dirty as all get out. The rental car employee who checked me in stared at the car in amazement -- since there's no snow here in Maryland right now. "Where were you driving?" she asked. "Oh, it was snowing quite a bit in Pittsburgh," I answered as she walked around the salt, grit, and mud encrusted car-shaped thing with wheels. She couldn't even tell if any damage had been done to it because it was so dirty. I smiled with pride.

Thus ends the update.