Countdown
Tomorrow is the big day: endoscopy. Tomorrow a doctor will give me drugs to make me "comfortable," and then shove a camera down my throat for some exciting urban exploration of me.
Just to make it interesting for him, tonight I will swallow some road signs and roadside attractions that will allow for some fun side trips. Maybe I'll swallow South of the Border and 400 billboards so he can get excited by the signs and then be let down when he finally sees what South of the Border really is. Wait, that sounded really gross. Don't take it that way.
Anyway, before I doze off from the drugs, I'll say something like, "Hey, if you find my pen, you'll get a prize!"
I have enlisted my lovely wife to escort me to this thrilling internally invasive process because I've been told I will not be allowed to drive myself home when it's over due to the sedative. My wife will be taking notes on just what weird things I say and/or do whilst sedated. It should be interesting afterwards to hear it from her point of view and then from mine. I think I'll trying saying the word "esophagogastroduodenoscopy" as fast as possible.
This sedation process reminds me of when I had my wisdom teeth removed years ago. They put an IV in my arm and also gave me some laughing gas. They told me to count backwards from 100 and then I'd be asleep for the whole process. I remember saying, "100, 99...." and that's about it. I woke up later to some guy shoving gauze in my mouth. Turns out he was the janitor and the dentists had clocked off hours ago to go get some happy hour drinks.
I'm kidding.
Anyway, the doctor asked me if I could sit up, to which I replied with a cheery (aka, slurred and slow), "Sure!" I sat up, and then promptly fell back into the chair. Once able to sit up, they told me I had to move to the recovery room. I assured them I could walk myself, but it took a doctor and my mom to escort me there after I ran into the doorway several times.
Later on during the walk out to the parking lot, I forgot which car was ours. I also vaguely remember getting a milkshake on the ride home and then feeling horrendously nauseated for about five minutes.
So, here's hoping for no recollection of the process, at least 450 successfully sedated sayings of "esophagogastroduodenoscopy," and a milkshake. Thoughts and prayers are also always welcome.
Tomorrow is the big day: endoscopy. Tomorrow a doctor will give me drugs to make me "comfortable," and then shove a camera down my throat for some exciting urban exploration of me.
Just to make it interesting for him, tonight I will swallow some road signs and roadside attractions that will allow for some fun side trips. Maybe I'll swallow South of the Border and 400 billboards so he can get excited by the signs and then be let down when he finally sees what South of the Border really is. Wait, that sounded really gross. Don't take it that way.
Anyway, before I doze off from the drugs, I'll say something like, "Hey, if you find my pen, you'll get a prize!"
I have enlisted my lovely wife to escort me to this thrilling internally invasive process because I've been told I will not be allowed to drive myself home when it's over due to the sedative. My wife will be taking notes on just what weird things I say and/or do whilst sedated. It should be interesting afterwards to hear it from her point of view and then from mine. I think I'll trying saying the word "esophagogastroduodenoscopy" as fast as possible.
This sedation process reminds me of when I had my wisdom teeth removed years ago. They put an IV in my arm and also gave me some laughing gas. They told me to count backwards from 100 and then I'd be asleep for the whole process. I remember saying, "100, 99...." and that's about it. I woke up later to some guy shoving gauze in my mouth. Turns out he was the janitor and the dentists had clocked off hours ago to go get some happy hour drinks.
I'm kidding.
Anyway, the doctor asked me if I could sit up, to which I replied with a cheery (aka, slurred and slow), "Sure!" I sat up, and then promptly fell back into the chair. Once able to sit up, they told me I had to move to the recovery room. I assured them I could walk myself, but it took a doctor and my mom to escort me there after I ran into the doorway several times.
Later on during the walk out to the parking lot, I forgot which car was ours. I also vaguely remember getting a milkshake on the ride home and then feeling horrendously nauseated for about five minutes.
So, here's hoping for no recollection of the process, at least 450 successfully sedated sayings of "esophagogastroduodenoscopy," and a milkshake. Thoughts and prayers are also always welcome.
posted by H at
12:35 PM
4 Comments:
Do I get to carry a reporter's notebook?
I'll be sending hardy thoughts of well-being your way. And just think of the antics you can perpetrate while legally doped! I scared the hell out of my advisor yesterday because of my semi-sedated state. He was unaware of my drugged condition, and he thought I was just staring at him in anger. (Ha! Little did he know there was some truth to that, but see how easily I got off?)
I'm jealous. See if you can get video and link it to your website. I wanna see your innards. That's how much I like you. (Aren't you glad we live on separate sides of the country?)
If all you wanted were the drugs, there are far easier ways to get them! Let me know - I have a "guy". ;)
Seriously, though - best wishes and good luck!
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