Ah, Spring
I've been MIA this week due to my head feeling like a giant bag o' snot. You're welcome for that nice visual.
Anyway, I'm not sure if it's a genuine cold or my body finally telling me that after 27 years, I can no longer say I have no springtime allergies. It wouldn't surprise me if it's allergies - there's enough pollen floating around here to kill most people. Even the bees are carrying boxes of kleenex. My car is regularly covered is a nice layer of the pollen dust every time I go outside. I could do lines off the car if I wanted to.
So I'm enjoying the spring through my box-like head and sniffly nose. I like seeing all the new leaves and flowers. What I don't like is all the spiders I keep finding. Normally I expect to see spiders moving into our apartment when it gets cold. That makes sense. I still kill them, but I understand their journey indoors. Yet now they're moving in even though it's wonderfully warm and pleasant outside. This upsets the pact I have with these horrible arachnids. My rule is that if I find a spider inside my living place, I am allowed to kill it (actually, Amy kills them, I just point them out). If I find one outside, it gets to live. That's how I roll.
The other day, though, I found a nice little hairy one sitting on top of the car right by my driver's side door. This is skirting a gray area of my rule. We're outside, so technically it's the spider's world. Yet it's on my car in the way of where I need to be. In comes the "Flicking Addendum" to my Spider Rule. If you are a spider outside but in the way of where I need to be, I'm allowed to flick you out of the way.
Of course, that means I sort of have to touch a spider, which is against my own personal Spider Rule: Never touch one with my bare hand. So at first I might blow on the spider to see if it will move. Of course it never does. They merely raise up their little front leg/claw thingees and shake them at me in anger. If I absolutely can't bring myself to touch the spider, I just get into the car as fast as I can, hoping I'll temporarly shock it with my amazing human speed so it won't have time to jump on me.
Then I enjoy seeing at what speed it takes for the wind to blow a spider off a car, cheering happily when it finally succumbs to the wind.
I'm a horrible, horrible human.
I've been MIA this week due to my head feeling like a giant bag o' snot. You're welcome for that nice visual.
Anyway, I'm not sure if it's a genuine cold or my body finally telling me that after 27 years, I can no longer say I have no springtime allergies. It wouldn't surprise me if it's allergies - there's enough pollen floating around here to kill most people. Even the bees are carrying boxes of kleenex. My car is regularly covered is a nice layer of the pollen dust every time I go outside. I could do lines off the car if I wanted to.
So I'm enjoying the spring through my box-like head and sniffly nose. I like seeing all the new leaves and flowers. What I don't like is all the spiders I keep finding. Normally I expect to see spiders moving into our apartment when it gets cold. That makes sense. I still kill them, but I understand their journey indoors. Yet now they're moving in even though it's wonderfully warm and pleasant outside. This upsets the pact I have with these horrible arachnids. My rule is that if I find a spider inside my living place, I am allowed to kill it (actually, Amy kills them, I just point them out). If I find one outside, it gets to live. That's how I roll.
The other day, though, I found a nice little hairy one sitting on top of the car right by my driver's side door. This is skirting a gray area of my rule. We're outside, so technically it's the spider's world. Yet it's on my car in the way of where I need to be. In comes the "Flicking Addendum" to my Spider Rule. If you are a spider outside but in the way of where I need to be, I'm allowed to flick you out of the way.
Of course, that means I sort of have to touch a spider, which is against my own personal Spider Rule: Never touch one with my bare hand. So at first I might blow on the spider to see if it will move. Of course it never does. They merely raise up their little front leg/claw thingees and shake them at me in anger. If I absolutely can't bring myself to touch the spider, I just get into the car as fast as I can, hoping I'll temporarly shock it with my amazing human speed so it won't have time to jump on me.
Then I enjoy seeing at what speed it takes for the wind to blow a spider off a car, cheering happily when it finally succumbs to the wind.
I'm a horrible, horrible human.
posted by H at
11:28 AM
3 Comments:
You could brush the spider off the car with a handy object, such as a pen or stick.
Is it dry there? Here it has not rained in several months. Critters are coming out of the wilds looking for water.
Your spider rule sounds alot more merciful than mine. Mine is the only good spider, is a dead spider.
Jeff
I wouldn't say you're horrible. I'd just say you aren't nearly violent enough.
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