Stupid stupid stupid

There's so much crap going on in the world right now (recent detainee rights bill, watching a house down the street from us burn up two nights ago, etc....) that I need to laugh at something frivolous. Please humor me.

If any of you see Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas - could you please punch her for me?

Seriously, that "London Bridge" song has to be one of the stupidest songs I've ever heard.

Its stupidity sparked a conversation the other day about how you can make any phrase into sexual innuendo. The lyrics to London Bridge are fairly easy to figure out as far as what she's talking about, but still - who the hell calls it that?

Fergie's song reminded me of the Ludacris rap during Missy Elliott's "Minute Man" song from a few years back where he goes off on this long basic car maintenance sexual innuendo. (I've taken out the non-car sections)

"It's Ludacris the maintenance man....get your oil changed, I check fluids and transmission....Ludacris balance and rotate all tires."

Ooh, baby, that's romantic. Please tell me you're going to rotate my tires. Can you check the alignment while you're at it? Also, I seem to have a chip in my windshield, can you take care of that? Oh, and you'll also vacuum my floor mats, too? HOLY CRAP, YOU SEX GOD.

So let's make up some more hysterical innuendo. That's right, I'm taking this blog entry (already have, actually) to inappropriate land, but that's all based on how you read into this crap. You'll notice that the use of italics makes these work even better.

Mine:
-I need to borrow your pen.
-Can someone please get me a glass of water?
-My hat is sweaty from the long jog I just took..
-I really need a haircut because my hair is rapidly becoming mullet-like in nature.

Your turn.