Proximity and Juxtaposition
I get lots of fun email, including a monthly update from the local humane society. This month's email from the humane society made me giggle because of how they chose to arrange the order of topics within:
- Neuter-A-Thon!!!
- Fine Dining for the Humane Society
- Featured Pets of the Week
Mmm, fine dining after the Neuter-A-Thon! I hope it includes the featured pets of the week.
Location, location, location!
Ft. Me started off as me just digging a giant hole in the sand to see if I could find anything interesting - be it a crab, clam, shell, or body, whatever.
Then I started piling up the sand as walls, and it went from there. I even added turrets and a seaweed flag. I even built another wall of protection in front, an effort which proved to be totally pointless. Nonetheless, Ft. Me stood proudly on the shores of Henderson Beach State Park for about 20 minutes. More photos are below.
Oceanfront Property
The view from Ft. Me was priceless. Our flag of stinky drying seaweed waved proudly in the wind.
Spacious
The builders of Ft. Me were not licensed, obviously. Hence the constantly collapsing inner walls and the rising water coming up from the sand below. It seems as it the fort was doomed from the beginning.
The end is near
Ft. Heather's end is rapidly approaching, in the form of an oncoming wave. While I had tried to prepare it for the incoming tide, it was not enough. I had failed my people.
The Final View
This is the last known photo from Ft. Me. Fortunately we had a proper evacuation plan in place, which merely involved stepping back two feet and yelling, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The Longer Post
Here is it my longer post. It's nice to finally have a week where I'm not traveling! In the past three weeks I've been to Florida twice and NYC once. A little over a month ago I was lamenting my recent lack of work travel, and then boom. When it rains, it pours. Literally.
I really like traveling for work because I get to see places I'd normally never go and meet people I'd not get a chance to meet otherwise. And also I get to test rental cars, which is nice because it helps me figure out what car I might like to buy at some point. This last week in Florida I got a Chevy Cavalier, and it was a total piece of crap. That wasn't entirely the Cavalier's fault, though. The brakes were pretty bad, causing that lovely "car shaking until the wheels fall off" feeling every time I slowed down. Also, it was just really uncomfortable to drive. The controls were not well-placed. I think the only real positive I got from it was that its seats were extremely comfortable.
And if you've been keeping track of my rental car vs. speed bumps record, the Cavalier can take a speed bump at 20mph. Not too bad, it measures up to my previous rental car vs. speed bumps tests, such as the Toyota Echo, the Dodge Neon, the Suzuki Aerio, and the Ford Focus.
One bad point of my trip was the flight home to Baltimore. I was supposed to leave Tallahassee at 7:40pm and, via Atlanta, get into BWI Airport at midnite. But that of course would be too easy.
I had already spent much of Wednesday driving to and from across the panhandle for some stories, about six total hours, in fact. I got to the airport very early, and then sat there as bad weather in Atlanta closed down that airport. We didn't board the airplane in Tallahassee until 8:20 or so, but as soon as we backed up from the gate the pilot came on to say that Atlanta had shut down again until 9:30pm. So we sat in the plane for an hour.
Then at 9:30pm, the pilot comes back to say that the airport would be closed until 10pm. This was bad, as my connecting flight out of Atlanta was supposed to leave at 10:15pm. My only shred of hope appeared when the flight attendant told us that the entire Atlanta airport was closed, meaning our connecting flights would be delayed as well.
At 10pm, we finally were allowed to leave. I'm not normally claustrophobic, but at that point I was completely stir crazy after being stuck on a non-moving airplane for more than an hour. Worse than that was that I had finished the book I brought along, so I had nothing to read. Also, because I'd traveled on the same airline two weeks before to Florida, I'd also already read the stupid in-flight magazine. And SkyMall is only as exciting as one can make it, so it doesn't last for more than 15 minutes of enjoyment either.
We finally arrived in Atlanta at 11:10pm. I scooted off the plane and up to the Delta agent to see if I would be stuck in Hot-lanta for the evening. He said my 10:15pm flight was already gone but that I could make the 11:15pm flight. I looked at my watch. It was now 11:14pm. To make things more fun, that flight was scheduled to leave from a gate that was 20 miles away.
Excellent, I thought as I grabbed my bag and started to run, There's no way in hell I'm going to make this.
As I ran to the gate, I passed the Delta customer service counter line, which was chock full of angry passengers now stranded in the airport for the evening. Employees were handing out blankets. I hoped that I wouldn't have to join the huddled masses on the floor of the airport.
After crossing the Sahara and the Serengeti all in one airport marathon run, I made it to my gate. Imagine my excitement when I saw that flight was delayed until 12:10. No really, I was excited because I would not get stuck in the airport for the evening.
So, when all was said and done, I got into Baltimore at 2:30am Thursday morning. That's not bad when you think of it as only being 2.5 hours beyond when I was originally supposed to get in. But when you add to that my six hours of driving time before it and then just the annoyance of being stuck in an airport for hours - it felt much worse.
I felt like a zombie on that final plane into Baltimore. Nothing was making sense anymore. I was going in and out of sleep. The cabin was very dimly lit. At one point I woke up to find a stewardess staring at me.
"Do you want some chips?" she asked. I wasn't sure I could answer in English anymore. I thought I might croak out, "Brrraaiinnnnnnsss....BRAINS!" in response. But somehow I managed to nod and receive a small bag of sunchips.
And so I had dinner of Sun Chips at 2am Thursday morning. My stomach responded by making noises I've never heard it make, which I suppose is par for the course when the only thing it gets to eat in eight hours is a bag of chips at 2am.
I'm sure our departure from the aircraft in Baltimore looked surreal. A plane-load of zombies crawling off with their bags and Delta blankets.
Miraculously enough, even my luggage had made the entire trip without making an unscheduled sidetrip. My zombie hands grabbed the bag and then hailed a cab home.
More later. I'll post my photos of Ft. Me, which was built on the beach my feet are enjoying in the photo below.
Where I'd like to be right now
Is where I took this photo. Henderson Beach in Destin, Florida. I was down there for work this week and made sure to take an hour one evening to enjoy one of the beaches along the lovely Emerald Coast.
And yes, Amber is totally right - I've been using photo-blogging as a way of avoiding longer blog entries. I'm tired. And I'll write a better, more informative one soon. I promise. No, really. I swear.
Sentences of the Day
Already today, I have used two sentences that I never thought I'd use, thereby making them some (say with your echo effect on)
Sentences...es...es..... Of...f...f..f.....The Day...ay...ay...ay...
The winners:
"I'm jonesing for some Wheat Thins."
"You've made some bold choices, like coming into the drug scene as a rabbit."
Stupid People
I've discovered that if someone ever asks you that familiar question of "What's Your Biggest Pet Peeve?" - you can really sum up all your answers with one big one:
"Stupid people."
Think about it, it really does cover just about everything. I bring this up now because I've discovered some stupid people in the past few days. I'm including myself because even if we're not inherently stupid all the time, we all have stupid moments.
But first I'll talk about the jerks that don't leave notes when they back into your car. I hate stupid people in cars who have no care for anyone besides themselves. "Oh well, no one probably saw me, so I'll quickly drive off before anyone confronts me."
Some ass-cannon backed into the driver's side door of my car Monday night/Tuesday morning. It left a beautiful bumper sized and shaped scuff mark. I already have plenty of scratches on my car from other shitpencils who enjoy vandalizing and damaging vehicles, so this normally would have still made me angry, but not flip out.
What made me really angry was realizing that I now have to use Arnold Schwarzenegger force to roll down that window. That type of problem immediately makes the image of dollar bills rapidly leaving my wallet quickl appear in my head. I'm sure it won't be cheap to fix this.
Moving on to my stupid moment. This morning, despite our new tech guy swearing that all printing problems were now fixed in the office, my computer was (and still remains now) unable to print anything. I've complained to him 30 times in the past few days about this. Today I was getting more annoyed about it, so I voiced my disappointment out loud to another coworker near me...who then grinned and pointed behind her to the fact that Mr. Tech Guy was sitting just around the corner whilst I loudly vented about how stupid it was that I still could not print.
I felt myself turning red, but I still feel like it was a warranted out loud complaint.
I know I have more stupid moments in life (like my amazing debut as a boom operator for a small indie film in Boston), but I thought I'd share those ones right now.
Feel free to share your own in the comments. Let's all wallow in our stupid moments and the stupid moments of stupid people around us.
Still Here
I am still around, as I was not stuck in Florida for the hurricane. I had scheduled my flight just right, leaving Thursday afternoon before anything got too crazy down there. The photos above are of the frogs that hung out on my hotel room window each morning in Ft. Myers.
Anyway, looks like I'll be heading back sometime next week now that Hurricane Dennis has moved through. Oh, and don't believe your mainstream media, folks: the Florida panhandle and Alabama did not "dodge the bullet" on this one.
Sure, the damage was not as widespread as it was during Hurricane Ivan last year, but Dennis still did a number on the region -- especially for the many, many people who had still not yet recovered, repaired, or rebuilt from last year. So, keep that in mind before thinking that Category 3 hurricane can just come ashore and not do any serious damage.
Anyway...my weekend was quite busy. I spent most of Saturday in improv workshops and then had a nice dinner with the wife and Tara. Tara has the awesomest house in Washington, DC, and we haven't told her yet, but Amy and I are going to secretly move in when she's not around.
Sunday was spent playing a softball doubleheader where we actually won a game! It was amazing. The team we're on is just about the worst in the league, yet we won the first of the two games. I played outfield for the first game and really enjoyed it. I forgot how much fun playing a position other than pitcher was. I even caught two fly balls.
For the second game we were back to our usual hijinks of poor fielding and inconsistent hitting. I at least pitched well and hit much better for this game. I even had the chance to slide into second base, but was called out by the umpire who was not at all in a good position to tell if I was safe or not. When she called me out, my whole team booed and even the other team's players looked surprised. Oh well, the umpires for each game are actually players from other teams and not total professionals with years of umping experience. Even the homeplate ump was odd, his strike zone was constantly changing and I had to try to hit the right place at the right time. I compared it to the carnival game where you have to shoot those moving ducks.
And so, alas, we lost.
This week will be just as busy for me. I'm off to NYC tomorrow for a work trip. And then I have improv stuff for the remainder of the week. Phew! I need a vacation!
I'm sorry I have nothing more witty or humorous to share. I have failed you, readers. Please forgive me. I hope the frog pictures make up for it.
I pulled into the Waffle House parking lot by the airport in Ft. Myers. Moving as slowly as the humid air, I parked the car and sighed. I stood for a moment next to the rental car after I got out, taking in the flat and boring scenery that is Florida. There was no wind and the moisture in the air clung to me like a warm wet sweater. Palm trees stood motionless along the highway. Flecks of white clouds speckled the blue sky. The sun was already beginning its evening descent, coloring the western sky with a faint orange glow.
Inside the Waffle House was as quiet as one might expect it to be on the evening of July 4th. The employees looked bored and then almost surprised when someone actually came in to eat.
I sat down at the counter and an older woman smiled and approached. "Evening," she said, displaying a genuine smile despite the stained, misaligned teeth of which it was comprised. Her name tag read "Phyllis."
"Hi," I replied with a smile, grabbing a menu from behind the napkin container.
"Happy Fourth of July," Phyllis said, still smiling. She reminded me of a grandmother. I bet she had some happy and spoiled grandchildren somewhere.
"Boy, I sure wish I was out there in a bathing suit right now," she continued, nodding toward the parking lot through the large window behind me. I turned around to see several bathing-suit-clad teens running around a van in the parking lot.
"That would be nice, wouldn't it?" I said with a laugh, turning back to face Phyllis. She laid out a napkin and silverware on the counter in front of me, still smiling.
"Oh, I think I need to lose a few more pounds before I could run around in something like that," Phyllis grinned. "I've already lost about 10 pounds in the past six months, but I'd like to lose more."
She was not at all overweight - at least as far as I could tell from my position on the other side of the counter from her. She seemed spunky enough to be able to wear anything she wanted and pull it off.
"Well, that's the way to do it, right? Lose weight in the winter so you look nice for the summer?" I asked.
"I think I'd rather keep it off all year long." We both laughed.
I ordered, and Phyllis called out the two eggs scrambled with a side of hash browns to the cook behind her. She then bustled about her station and I glanced around the restaurant. The cook and another waitress spoke French to each other in quiet tones as the grill interrupted occasionally with a sizzle. Another waiter was standing to my right over by the booths, scratching his arm and staring out the window blankly as if in deep thought. The air conditioner above him rattled and dripped a few drops of water.
Just past him I could see the fairly vacant highway through the front windows, but my attention quickly switched to something on the window itself.
"Are those frogs on the window?" I asked Phyllis as she set a glass of water down in front of me.
She looked over and then nodded. "Oh yes, those little things are all over around here."
I got up to go take a closer look. Two tiny green frogs - each about an inch long - were stuck to the outside of the window, their little suction cup toes clinging to the glass. I looked closely at them and they seemed to look back at me with their large, dark googly eyes.
I made my way back to the counter. Sitting down, I noticed that Phyllis and some of the other staff were looking back out into the parking lot behind me again. A family was getting out of their car, all still in bathing suits. Two of the women looked very sunburnt. A man held up a camera and motioned to the women. They grabbed the hand of a small girl and put her between them as they posed for a photograph.
When I turned back around, the entire staff was staring at me. The cook was placing my meal in front of me on the counter, with a big smile on her face. I laughed and wondered how long they had been trying to get my attention. I smiled at the staff and started to eat.
Phyllis put my bill on the counter for me as well.
"Enjoy it," she said with another big smile.
Holiday Weekend
Have a fantastic holiday weekend, folks. And happy birthday, Ammerikuh, we get to spank you 229 times on Monday.
My family loves fireworks - apparently blowing things up runs in our family (from dad's side, of course.) We delight in blowing up any fruits or vegetables we can find, or just lighting off an entire 1,000-count roll of Black Cats in a metal trashcan.
Last night on CNN the anchor was interviewing some fireworks safety expert about the hazards of the M fireworks, like M-80s and M-1000s. To demonstrate just how dangerous these explosives can be, they showed footage of a mannequin holding an M-80 in its raised hand, its expressionless face unaware of the pain to come. The hand promptly blows right off the mannequin showing that they'd use some human-like hand color and gel consistency to show just how nasty your hand would explode if you were stupid enough to hold onto an M-80 for that long once it's lit.
Instead of being turned off to the dangers of said M-80, I responded with a, "Cooooooool," and wanted them to show the footage over and over again.
But it got better - they moved on to the damage an M-1000 can do. The talking head fireworks expert guy said, "M-1000s are extremely dangerous - they can easily destroy an entire watermelon."
I did a chair-dance of glee (I was sitting down) because I knew what was coming next: video of an exploding watermelon.
It. Was. Awesome.
The M-1000 leveled that big ol' watermelon into nothing. They played the clip over and over again as the two guys yammered on about safety and precautions and blah blah blah, who cares, there's an exploding watermelon.
Again, they had the opposite effect on me. I immediately wanted to drive to the store, grab a giant watermelon, drive to the fireworks store, grab a handful of M-1000s, and then wreak havoc on my new fruity friend.
But I restrained myself. Yet I don't want to totally disappoint you fine readers with no pictures of juicy watermelon destruction, so I found this video online to give you an impression of just how cool it looks. You'll need QuickTime to see it - but it's totally worth it.
Anyway, my weekend will actually be fireworks free for the most part. Tomorrow is time with friends, Sunday is a canoe trip in West Virginia, and then Monday afternoon I leave on a work trip to Ft. Myers, Fla.
Have a safe, but fruity explosive holiday weekend, kids!
