The Numbers

My Memorial Day Weekend Camping Trip by the numbers.

Trip goers: 4 - (Amy, Tara, Brenna and I)

Cars packed to the brim with camping gear: 1

Snakes seen: 1

Spiders seen: 6,873

Times Heather freaked out when she thought a spider was on her: 1

Times Heather freaked out when she thought a spider was on her but it was actually a grasshopper: 1

Miles hiked: A lot

Hours spent fishing: 4

Places around the lake that Heather went to fish: 10

Fish caught: 0

Fish caught by a 3-year-old boy near Heather in only five minutes: 1

Rainstorms: 1

Tents: 2

Leaking tents: 1

Loud barking dogs near our campsite: 34

Times Heather pointed out something about birds in a hugely nerdy manner: 5

Naps taken by Amy: At least 6

Kayaks rented: 3

Rocks climbed: 74

Human-Bear Interactions: 0

Signs seen about human-bear interaction: 3

Jokes made about human-bear interaction: 35

Giant logs carried back to campsite for burning: 2

Number of giant logs burned: 1/2

Bags of chips consumed: 2

Ears of corn offered to us by neighbors: 5

Karaoke songs sung by Amy and Heather before a state park audience: 1

Times Tara almost peed her pants laughing at kids singing grown-up karaoke songs: 1

Whoo, what a weekend! We had a great time, really. The weather was gorgeous and so was the state park. I loves me some camping and I'm glad Tara and Brenna thought us cool enough to spend another bit of vacation time with us.

I also finished book #19 of my "Get Off Your Lazy Ass and Read" campaign. I think since my last update on the reading campaign I've read two more Steinbeck books. What can I say, I love him. He's a great writer. I've also now read "Narrative of the life of Frederick Douglass," which was sad but also really good.

I don't have time to write about it in this update, but I will soon have a whole other post about the craziness that's happened on our street in the past few weeks. It's like a big episode of COPS. Seriously. For a preview - just think of this: People attacking each other and a car with a hammer, and then a big explosion and fire four houses down from us. Don't worry, we're fine - we just can't wait til the idiot neighbors four homes down from us are finally evicted on Thursday.

Five second rule!

I think everyone's heard that phrase yelled at least 34 times in their lifetime, if not more. Yet if you're unclear on that phrase's meaning, I'll define it. If you drop a piece of food on the floor, sometimes people will yell that at your to let you know how long you have to pick it up before it becomes entirely contaminated with floor dirt.

I think what's funny is that the time interval changes with the person. I've heard some yell "Three second rule!" and for others it's been seven seconds.

Yet there's hope for all of us, we can increase that time interval according to a new study from Connecticut College researchers who have too much time on their hands.

Click me to read about the study.

Yes, now we have more time! Leave that food on the ground for HOURS! Okay, maybe not.

In other news, I need to find more friends who don't ditch me for dogs. Seriously. This weekend Amy and I are going camping. We'd reserved an extra camp site so we could invite some friends to come along. At first we had a fair amount of interest, people who were all excited to come along. Then, slowly they began to drop like flies. That bothered me, but at least they gave us more than a month's notice so we could find others to come along.

As of last week, we had a good crew of folks ready to come along. Then yesterday another couple dropped out, citing the following reason:

"We're getting a new dog, and we can only get her Friday night, so we can't come along. Sorry!"

The whole email was this story about how we should be happy for them because it's a shelter rescue dog. The subject line was "Good news and bad news!" The good news was them getting another dog. The bad news was them deciding they can't come. They apologized and said how much they'd been looking forward to the camping trip, that they'd been telling all their friends how excited they were to come along. And darn, now they can't because of a dog.

I am annoyed by this. This is becoming a trend for Amy and I, as we have another friend couple who have dogs and frequently back out on doing things with us because they "have to get home to the doggies!" or "We can't go with you Sunday because we don't want to leave the doggies home all alone for so long!"

I like dogs. I understand that you have to care for them and let them out of the house to do their business. But these friends are becoming dumb about it. On top of that, this couple's "doggies!" are very poorly trained. That's a whole other story, though.

Anyway, I guess from now on I need to seek out people with dogs who know what they hell they're doing. Thankfully we do have another friend couple we hang with whose dog is very well trained and never takes away from their social agenda. So there's hope.

I had to rant about it. You get to read it. Thanks for reading. I guess the take-home message is this:

If you are going to get a dog, please don't become mostly worthless to your friends because of dog excuses. Oh, and train the darn thing so it doesn't jump all over guests and bark non-stop while you make up dumb excuses for your bad training such as, "Oh, he's just jealous you're not paying attention to him! That's why he's barking so much! Teehee!"

That is all.

Falwell

Jerry Falwell died. It's mean to be happy when someone dies because even if you don't like them at all and think they're ignorant, they still have family and friends who love them and care about them.

So I'm not happy Jerry Falwell is dead, not by any means. I'd be a liar though if I did not admit that when I first saw the news, I smiled just a little bit. Not because he deserved to die, or because I wanted those around him who like him to be unhappy. Rather, I was and still am happy that I will no longer have to hear the endless anti-gay BS he'd ramble on and on about.

I won't miss hearing anything he says, really. He made Christians look bad. He said AIDS is God's way of punishing gays. He blamed 9/11 on gays, feminists, the ACLU and a number of others. I could go on and on, but I won't.

A quote I saw that sums up my feelings on his death:

"Wow, he's sure going to be pissed off when he finds all those gay people up in heaven."

Uh Oh - a list.

Obviously I've altered some of these just a bit.

Three things that scare me
1. Spiders
2. Being very, very close to moving trains
3. Being trapped in a public bathroom stall with those super loud flushing toilets

Four people who make me laugh
1. Steve Martin
2. My dad
3. My wife, Amy
4. My entire improv troupe (okay, that's probably cheating)

Four things I love
1. My family
2. Yardwork
3. Growing flowers and plants - the whole process
4. Washing cars

Three things I hate
1. Litter
2. Throwing up
3. Inconsiderate drivers

Three things I don't understand
1. Imaginary numbers (this math topic still haunts me from my high school pre-calc days)
2. Why people litter
3. The thought process of my boss

Three things on my desk
1. A dinosaur pen that glows and roar when you open its mouth
2. A talking Napoleon Dynamite figurine
3. A Cincinnati Bengals page-a-day calendar

Three things I want to do before I die
1. Write a book
2. Volunteer full-time for disaster recoveries across the US
3. Go hiking and camping in the back-country - not wussy drive-up camping like I do now.

Three things I can do
1. Tell you all about the many different types of weather patterns and disturbances in the US
2. Identify many types of birds by sight and/or song
3. Make people laugh

Three things I can't do
1. A cartwheel
2. Touch my toes without bending at the knees
3. Change the oil in my car (for shame!)

Three things I think you should listen to
1. The news, so you have an idea of what's going on
2. Your parents (unless they're total jerks who don't love you, of course)
3. Your spouse (unless s/he's a total jerk who doesn't love you, of course)

Two things you should never listen to
1. Anything from Focus on the Family
2. Any music by Rob Thomas

One thing I'd like to learn (but won't)
1. Calculus

Three shows I watched as a kid
1. Murphy Brown
2. GI Joe
3. Bugs Bunny cartoons

Three other things you might not know about me
1. I had an overbite until I got braces in the sixth grade. The majority of my school photos until then show it off very nicely.
2. While I ended up learning and playing the alto saxophone from fifth grade through senior year, it was my third choice. First choice: Trumpet - but too many people were playing it and I didn't want to be like everyone else. Second choice: Drums - but they didn't have enough drums for all the kids (they only had three!) and the rest had to play these dumb soundless drum pads. In the end, I'm glad I picked the sax, it has much more character and style to it.
3. I almost went to graduate school several years back and got a Masters of Science in Philanthropy and Media (focused on documentary film-making and helping spread the word about non-profits from around the world). The program was very new and the school it was with suddenly changed, and of course the year I applied they took too long to get their accreditation. Seriously, it took months, and by then I'd seen the opening for the job I have now and went for that instead.