Reel Big Fish

Click here to go "Holy freakin' crap."

My friends, that fish weighs just slightly more than I do. Let's not get into discussions of how thin I am, that is not the point.

This is the point:

A man, gently fishing the Mississippi River in Illinois, reeled in something that -- in terms of weight -- would be like having me on the end of his fishing hook.

If that does not remind you (or me, in this case) of your size in comparison with some of the other creatures on this great green Earth, not many other things will.

Look at the picture of that damn fish. Look at it. The fish even dragged the boat at one point during their 1/2-hour struggle. Had I been in that fisherman's place, the fish would have won that battle. It outweighs me by several pounds.

If you were on that boat with me, you'd have glanced to see me on the boat one minute, and the next second I would have disappeared as Moby Catfish pulled me in, leaving only my socks and shoes on the deck where I had been standing.

And if I had managed to get the other boat riders' attention before it dragged me in, then it would've been a group of skinny people holding onto the pole with me -- because most of my friends and close acquaintances who would ever go fishing with me are fairly close in size to me. So there we'd be, an army of the skinny vs. a 124lb catfish.

I'll stick with my four ounce Blue Gills, thank you very much.

Amok, amok, amok!

Folks, I could make this up (because I have a vivid imagination), but this time I am not. As it turns out, roving chickens are terrorizing a neighborhood very close to me.

From WBAL-TV:

Roosters 'Terrorize' Columbia Neighborhood

POSTED: 5:46 am EDT May 24, 2005

UPDATED: 6:18 am EDT May 24, 2005

COLUMBIA, Md. -- There is a real-life chicken run going on in Columbia. Since March, chickens and roosters have been terrorizing several neighborhoods near the Columbia Town Center.

WBAL-TV 11 News reporter Lowell Melser said the community of Barnside in Columbia is truly living up to its name after police said 18 chickens and roosters invaded the neighborhood.

Melser said while most have been caught, two are really fowling things up. He reported that two roosters have taken over the neighborhood and said it looks like leaving is not an option.

"Right now, we're just trying to take the roosters back out of that area," said Jennifer Reidy of the Howard County police. "Save the roosters -- trying to keep them safe."

Howard County animal control has tried 10 times to catch the pesky poultry, but each time they have come up empty-handed.

"They were camped out in that tree," James Duga said. "They didn't catch any roosters, no."

"All you hear is cockle-doodle-doo," Kate Cobb said. "I've gotten to the point where I can fall back asleep but they still wake me up everyday."

Melser reported that neighbors have been left with a bad taste in their mouths, as their new tenants have become an unwelcome community alarm clock that goes off really, really early.

"So every morning at 4 a.m., the roosters would start crowing," Duga said. "I would shout, 'Shut up! Leave me alone! I'm sleeping!'"

Police aren't sure how the roosters and chickens got here in the first place. Residents said they think it was a prank gone wrong.

In the meantime, all they can do it wait and hope and try to find time for a midday nap.

"They don't take Saturday and Sunday off," Cobb said. "I wish they did."Melser said the roosters and chickens that were caught were sent to a sanctuary on the eastern shore. He said as far as the last two, they're at large in Columbia.
------------------------------------------

It seems as if weird stories like this follow me around....and they usually involve chicken somehow.

Remember the freak chicken defrosting incident?

Maybe these ones are returning to seek vengeance on their once-frozen-and-then-thawed brother.

Overachiever

Continuing my years of nerdiness and overachievement......ladies and gentlemen, I just found out that I received an "A" in my meteorology course. Rock on.

One of those things

Normally these types of "get to know you lists" interest me, but no one else. Yet this particular one, showed to me by Shannon, is very interesting. So I thought I'd follow her lead and post it.

1) My uncle once: let me shoot a gun in his backyard.

2) Never in my life: have I enjoyed vomiting.

3) When I was five: I'm sure I was causing trouble of some manner.

4) High School was: fun at times, but quite heart-wrenching at other points.

5) I will never forget: my first love.

6) I once met: a guy who swallowed glass for a living and didn't think it would cause health problems.

7) There's this boy I know who: was the best roommate I've ever had.

8) Once, at a bar: I danced on a table with the boy mentioned in #7.

9) By noon I'm usually: well on my way to a productive day.

10) Last night: I worked on a screenplay.

11) If I only had: more of a mathematics background.

12) Next time I go to church: hopefully I'll enjoy it more.

13) Terry Schiavo: was a pawn in a political game that should embarrass Republicans and Democrats, but mostly Republicans.

14) What worries me most: is losing someone I love more than anything else in this world.

15) When I turn my head left, I see: the rest of my coworkers having a horrible day in the office.

16) When I turn my head right, I see: the most excellent Weather Channel playing on TV.

17) What I miss most about the eighties: is being able to ride a big wheel.

18) If I were a character from a movie: I'd be able to break into song whenever I wanted, complete with a well-choreographed dance routine.

19) By this time next year: I'll be happy that I'm not where I was a year before.

20) A better name for me would be: something unpronounceable by humans -- I don't know, what kind of question is that?

21) I have a hard time understanding: some of the finer points of atmospheric stability and instability when it comes to environmental lapse rates vs. dry or saturated adiabatic lapse rates.

22) If I ever go back to school I'll: study documentary film-making.

23) You know I like you if: I'm always trying to make you laugh.

24) If I won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: The Big G.

25) I can't live without: a sense of humor.

26) Take my advice, never: drink metamucil before biking 2.5 miles.

27) My ideal breakfast is: waffles with syrup.

28) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you try out my dad's zero-turn lawnmower and/or his Kubota tractor because they're awesome.

29) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: all sounds funny if you say them backwards.

30) Why can't anyone: understand why I like to watch Spike TV so much? I mean, come on, they blow things up, show COPS!, and UFC matches.

31) If you spend the night at my house: we'll stay up all night painting our toenails and talking about boys.

32) Your mom: is probably very nice, but my mom is the best.

33) The world could do without: American Idol.

34) I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: be crushed slowly by a steamroller.

35) My favorite blonde is: Laurel Holloman, or "Tina" from The L Word.

36) Paper clips are more useful than: Juliette Lewis' acting career.

37) If I do anything well, it's: confuse people with weather terminology.

38) And by the way: my dream vacation would be to go storm-chasing on one of those professional tours.

39) The last time I was REALLY drunk: was this past weekend, for the first time in more than a year.

Meteorology is neato

Last night's meteorology final exam was not too bad. I know I didn't ace it, but I certainly didn't flunk it either. I'm going to predict an A- for my overall grade in the course. I'm very glad I took the class, as it did give me much more knowledge about meterology in general. I would like to take another class, but the local community college only offers this one basic class. I'm not about to jump into a local college's meterology grad program for another class because most of them require a background in math that I do not have.

In related news today, I love my job because I get to talk to interesting people and do interesting things. Two weeks ago I got to climb around on one of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's Hurricane Hunter aircraft. You know, the big planes they fly into the hurricanes to get more data. Very cool.

And then I also get to speak to folks at various weather stations from time to time, and I always love one particular person: the head public affairs guy at the National Hurricane Center.

I enjoy calling him because he is a wealth of information and he is incredibly friendly. I once called him out of the blue to settle a discussion in the office over what was the farthest down in the Hurricane Names list a season has ever gone (1995 - Tanya, in case you wondered). He was quick with the information and joked with us.

Just today I made my first call of the season to him, about this unusual new tropical storm that's just popped up in the extreme eastern Pacific and has the potential to slide over into the Atlantic (unusual). He jokingly chided me for not being interested in more important disaster-related news (ie, "Why aren't you more concerned about North Korea having nukes -- or our country's ports being like sieves when it comes to security?"....so true, so very true). But the best quote of the conversation was related to hurricanes:

"The most important thing here is to remember to keep your eye on the donut, not the hole."

Awesome.

AOL IM conversation

Regarding my stomach woes:

Carin: do you want to see a shrink?
me: no
me: i don't think there's anything I should be seeing a shrink about
me: unless it's to figure out why I hate monkeys so much
me: but I like how cryptic that hatred is

--------------

On an unrelated note, I have my meteorology final exam tonight. Two hours of weather-related scantron terror. Wish me luck!

Results

The squeaky wheel does get the oil. Or the CT scan results, anyway. The doc called just about an hour ago to say that he'd finally gotten the results (aka, someone annoyed him enough to either call the hospital or actually look through the papers on his desk).

The results came back A-Ok. Nothing wrong.

That, again, is good and bad. I'm happy I don't have any freakish things growing in my abdomen. But then again, what the hell is wrong with me?

This is where my specialist bothers me more. After telling me the results, he goes, "Well, that's good. So, call me if you have any more symptoms."

I'm sorry, what? You think the past two months of invasive testing has made everything go away? It doesn't work like that.

I say, "But I am still having symptoms, that's why I came to you in the first place."

"What are your symptoms?"

Are you kidding me? Did you throw away my file? We had this exact same conversation at the beginning of February when I first came to see him. I told him exactly what was wrong and why I was finally coming to see a specialist.

So I tell him my symptoms again.

To which he replies, "Hmm, maybe you should stop eating those foods. Have you tried altering your diet?"

I am so close to banging my head on the desk at this point in the conversation.

Very calmly I tell him again, "Yes, I've tried everything I can, which is why I came to you."

"Okay, well I don't want to put you through any other tests that would have a low probability of finding anything..." (I can respect that, and I appreciate that) "...so let's try this. Looking at your blood tests here, let's try this. Take 2-3 tablespoons of Metamucil twice a day, every day, for the next three months. If you're still having problems, then call me."

"Um, okay."

I just went through two months of invasive testing, and now the guy wants tells me to increase my fiber intake and call him in the morning....in three months? Are you kidding me?

At this point, I'm shocked it's not an ulcer causing all the problems. I'm now back to where I began when I went into his office three months ago.

Everything I've thought this problem could be has pretty much been ruled out by the tests. The endoscopy showed no ulcer, and the CT scan showed no appendix problems. So I don't know. I respect his not wanting to subject me to endless tests he doesn't think will help me - but why does he not want to bring me in again to discuss everything wrong and really think about what we could do to figure this out?

I am very frustrated, and am now considering getting a second opinion.

Fridge decoration

I am currently in a small battle with my doctor over the CT scan results. Last Friday when they were finished pushing me back and forth through the giant circle that is the CAT scan machine, the nurse said, "These results will be read today and your doctor will call you."

Cool, that's nice and fast, I thought. So I waited til around 4pm for my doctor to call, but he didn't. I called his office, left a message, then waited the weekend.

On Monday morning I called again, and the doctor said, "I already gave you the results for this a month ago, it was fine."

"Um, I don't want the results for my endoscopy, I want the results for my CT scan that was done on Friday," I replied.

He then said that he hadn't received any results yet, but that he would call when they came in.

It's now Wednesday afternoon, so I called again just to check in. Some might say I'm being annoying. I understand that I am not a priority to my doctor, and that's fine for the most part - but I am a priority to myself. I kind of consider the results of a CT scan to be important, so I felt fully justified in calling back today to get an update.

The secretary says nothing is in yet, and added a "didn't we say we'd call you when they came in?"

I said yes, that I wasn't mad at anyone - but didn't anyone else find it odd that even though the nurse said I'd get the results last Friday, no one has seen them? I wondered if someone should call the hospital (me or the doctor) to find out what the hold-up is.

Then she tossed out the best quote from the conversation:

"Why do you want the results so much - are you worried?"

No, I'm not worried at all, I just really wanted to get a CT scan of my innards for fun and for home decor purposes. Sears doesn't have a that type of offer in their family portrait studio deals, so I went to the county hospital. And also, I can't seem to find any delicious banana-barium smoothies at my local grocer, so I scheduled a CT scan.

YES, I'M CONCERNED. What the heck?

I just said all that in my head, though. Again, I wasn't mean with the secretary. I'm not mad at anyone, just concerned about where the results are at this point. A simple, "We called the hospital, the results won't be in until this Friday" would be fine. It seems like no one is taking the effort to find out where the results are.

And so, I wait.

Church is cool

I have to share this hilarious site I just discovered. I'm sure it's been out there for ages and I'm just now discovering it, but still.

Church Sign Generator

I've already made a few favorites of my own. Click here to see them.

Mmm, banana barium...

So here I am, alive and well after my CT scan. I arrived at the hospital admitting department at 8am, and was then shuffled down to the proper office so I could start the "preparation." A nice woman appeared with two bottles of barium.

"Are you allergic to bananas?" she asked.

"Nope," I replied. She then handed me the bottles of banana-flavored barium sulfate. It was a little like a smoothie, and a lot more like banana-flavored Maalox. Both bottles were 450mL of joy. And by "joy," I mean "nausea-inducing goop that was never quite gone from the bottles." It was nasty to drink it for two hours. I got through one bottle in an hour, and then nurse at the desk said, "Are you done now?" I said, "With one bottle, yes."

What they had not told me was that I should've finished both bottles in one hour, because it takes another hour to work through your system enough to do the CT scan. Hmph. So I chugged the other bottle. Chugged 450mL of thick banana-nausea in about five minutes. That's chugging to me.

Then I was done with the sludge, and I sit in the waiting room for a bit. Another older gentleman walks in and sees the empty barium bottles next to me and says, "That stuff tastes like crap, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, but today it's banana-flavored crap," I said with a laugh.

He smiled. "Yeah, they'll flavor it, but it still always tastes the same." The nurse then came in and handed him two of the same bottles, and he grumbled. His wife scolded him, and then me for telling him it tasted bad. He just laughed and asked her to drink some of it so he wouldn't have to drink it all. She rolled her eyes.

About 15 minutes later, I'm escorted back into the scanning room, despite them telling me that I'd have to wait an hour.

The nurse tells me to lay down on the table before the giant donut-looking machine. At this point I have to pee like a race horse, but I'm already on the table, so I didn't want to interrupt anything. Plus I wasn't sure if I was supposed to feel like that on purpose, you know, to help the machine read my innards better.

The nurse then starts to insert an IV into my left arm. During the scan, they have to inject silver iodide into your blood stream as another way to help light things up. I giggle because silver iodide is also what's used in cloud-seeding to cause rain (again proving my meteorology nerd status), but this revelation would be even more appropriate considering how I'd feel once it was injected. She told me I'd feel warm all over once it went in.

In any case, that wouldn't be injected for a little bit. She says she's going to leave the room now, but the machine will tell me when to breathe. So, I'm slid back and forth through the donut hole a few times while a voice that sounds like The Computer from 2001: Space Odyssey tells me things like, "Okay, take a breath and hold it now, good. Now let it out."

It's all I can do to not laugh, thinking that The Computer will soon tell me to stop moving so much because, "That's not a good idea, I wouldn't do that if I were you." Also at this point, I start again thinking about the CT scan machine looks like the dimension portal thingee from Stargate. And so each time I slide back and forth on the table, I start giggling about how some other dimension is seeing my feet dangle in and out of the portal on their side.

Then comes the silver iodide. The nurse turns on the IV, and I instantly feel like I have just peed my pants. I'm warm all over as well, as she told me I would feel, and it's a little like being drunk. But I can't focus on that because I'm convinced that I just peed my pants and The Computer is going to be angry. "What are you doing?"

The nurse asks me how I feel, and I tell her it feels like I've just peed myself. She says I haven't, that's just another side effect of the iodide. See, now that's a side effect I wish she would've told me about before-hand, so I wouldn't have had that 30 seconds of terror where I thought I'd just rained all over myself and the Evil AI Stargate Computer.

Anyway, the whole test took about five minutes. Yup, two hours of prep for a five minute test.

And I'll get the results later today, so we'll see. I am a little tired of being poked and prodded so much in all these tests, so I'm hoping this will find something.

Thanks for the good thoughts, folks!

Siberia, Siberia, when I get that feelin'

I only have one more meterology class left before our big bad final exam on May 17th. That fact is bittersweet, as I've learned quite a bit and have enjoyed it for the most part, but then again it'll be nice to have my Tuesday evenings free again.

In any case, the nutty professor did not fail us this past Tuesday night during his lecture. He made to throw in enough odd phrases to make us all giggle.

My favorite for the night came when he was reading his own notes off the computer screen projected before us. He was talking about monsoons and a weather pattern that forms over Siberia when he said, "Siberia is in....the Asian part of.....of the continent of Asia."

I'm sorry, what? The whole class busted up, and he turned around to ask what we were laughing about. Apparently he had been thinking whilst trying to read and didn't even realize what he said. We repeated it for him, and he rolled his eyes and said, "Hmm, I was thinking while talking, not a good idea."

I then asked him if that fact about Siberia was going to be on the final, you know - would he draw a map and ask us to pinpoint the Asian location of Siberia? He laughed.

While I don't always learn an excessive amount from the prof's lectures, he is usually entertaining. At the end of class last week, he was explaining why Hadley Cells do not in fact stretch across entire hemispheres. To illustrate why, he lit up a cigarette and place it on the lectern so we could watch the smoke. It illustrated the point well. The class ended five minutes later, and we left him figuring out just how to properly extinguish a cigarette. One gal offered her spent water bottle to put it out with, and he said, "Nah, I'll just throw it in the trash can."

I was sure that Wednesday morning I'd be reading about how the local community college burnt down and wondering if I'd have to testify against my meteorology prof in court at some near point in the future.

Obviously the college was still there when I showed up this week, but when the prof brought up the cigarette experiment this time, he said, "Well, I don't need to show you that again...I almost burnt up the trash can last week."

But the prof is not the only silly nerd in the class. During the five minute class break this week, I grabbed a copy of the Fall 2005 class schedule to see what other classes I may be interested in taking. As I sat there reading through it, one of the gals in the class said to me, "Looking for another geeky class to take next fall?" I laughed and said that I might be. She said geology was an interesting course. Not so sure I'm going to sign up for that, though.

Fairly uninteresting

That was my weekend. Friday night was spent with friends eating dinner, and then playing one of the more confusing board games I've tried in some time.

Saturday morning was another computer class with the senior citizens. This week I was helping them understand their email accounts, and so they all sent me practice emails with messages such as
"MY GRANDDAUGHTER GRADUATES FROM HOWARD UNIVERSITY THIS MAY"
"I am enjoying this class."
"My birthday is next week."

Very fun, and I'm looking forward to the next course I'll be teaching at the volunteer center.

I saw the movie "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" Saturday afternoon, and it was really good. I'd tried reading the book a couple years back, but couldn't get into it. I didn't hate it, I just don't think I was in the mood to read it. But the movie was really enjoyable.

Sunday was spent switching between being a giant lazy slug on the couch and writing up a paper for my meteorology course. At first I thought it would be hard to write this particular paper, because it's based on some data everyone had to attain each day for the entire month of March. But once I got going, I easily surpassed the prof's "at least four-pages in length" minimum. In fact, now I think he may accuse me of wordiness.

In any case, my hypothesis is a direct confrontation of his statement that television meterologists don't having to train as much as regular meteorologists, which therefore makes the TV forecasters less accurate. I disagree, and was able to prove he was incorrect at least as far as for three television meteorologists in March of 2005.

The loving wife then left mid-afternoon to head out on some religious women's retreat, leaving me with free reign of the apartment til this afternoon. That was neato at first, and then it just promptly reminded me how much I don't enjoy having an entire apartment to myself overnight. My imagination is far too active, and so for most of the night there were aliens, zombies, axe murderers, and other neat things roaming freely in the other rooms.

I have not yet finished the "Reggie" story, so you can blame my meteorology course for that. I used all my "writing-brainpower" on that paper this weekend. I promise to finish it soon, though.