Camping

We survived a fun weekend of camping up in northern Maryland. I'll post more of an update later, but for now if you want to peruse some pictures, please click on this link.

More Tuesday

To tide you over for the long weekend, here's a video of my cat eating a dead leaf. She loves them, so I have to keep my plants in a separate closed-off room away from her.

Be prepared for cuteness. Also, it's a tad weird.


Tuesday eats a leaf on Vimeo

Weekend

Oh man, what a weekend. I haven't been that busy in a long time. Every moment was pretty much full of us doing something. Friday night was spent with friends, one of which then whipped Amy and I into shape Saturday morning with a walk that was in no way leisurely. She was a speed-walker. I'm the type of walker who enjoys exercise, but I also stop a lot to look at birds and plants and what-not. So on this walk I looked like the 3-year-old who kept lagging behind. Yet at least she kept me on my toes by not only walking too fast, but also by pointing out bird calls and having me identify them.

Saturday afternoon was then spent at a wine festival with friends. I drank a lot of wine and learned while I was at it. D has some photos of the day, which I'm sure are hilarious.

Saturday night was then spent showing some friends the amazing cinematic masterpiece that is "Anchorman" because they had not yet seen it. God, I love that movie. And you have a absolutely breath-taking hiney. I mean that thing is good.

Sunday I went on a hike with friends in the mid-morning. That was a blast because we saw a waterfall and got exercise and jumped up and down on a swinging suspension bridge and climbed on rocks, etc... Then from there I went to the Baltimore Museum of Art to check out an exhibit on Matisse's "Jazz" book. Our improv troupe is doing a show at the BMA next Thursday and the theme is that exhibit. So we were doing our homework. Then we wandered into the Modern Art section and saw some odd things and I got scolded by a security guard for standing too close to one of Andy Warhol's giant camouflage paintings and saying, "Hey, can you guys see me?"

Also, in honor of the suckfest movie that is "The DaVinci Code," I took a photo of Warhol's "The Last Supper." I think I'm the only person on the planet who hasn't read that book. I'm not interested in seeing the movie, either.

I don't know why. Is it Brown's poor writing style? Maybe. Tom Hanks' borderline ugly mullet? Perhaps. I don't know, it's just too hyped.

Anyway, this week is busy, too. But I'm looking forward to the weekend, which will be spent camping at a state park. Woo!

News

I studied broadcast journalism in college, so I know what it's like to mess up on the air and completely embarrass yourself. Multiple times.

Which is what makes it okay for me to share these news blooper videos. Blah blah, I'm sharing YouTube links, but they're funny, people. Funny. It's Friday, so I'm phoning in a blog entry. Sue me.

Gay climber?

Fox's Shepard Smith makes a big mistake (not work safe for one naughty word)

A little staged, right?

Dropping the f-bomb (also not work safe for one naughty word)

Angry weatherman (my favorite)

Ouch and fake anchors

Fainting spell

Ah, so funny. I hope these make you laugh as much as I did.

I guess there are some good things about moving.

The Weekend

What a nice relaxing weekend. I spent Saturday morning hamming it up with the improv troupe as we got some new photos taken. Then I hung out with Dawn and Darren for Dawn's birthday.

We lunched, then played some awesome mini-golf. Dawn won, of course, because she had the highest score. 60! Go Dawn! I came in last place with a crappy 45, -6 under par! I'm such a loser.

Then we went back to their place, ate dinner and watched the movie "Shopgirl." I love Steven Martin. He's my favorite comedian of all time, a true inspiration to my comedic career. I remember pulling my dad's copy of Martin's book "Cruel Shoes" off the shelf at a young age and laughing my ass off - especially at the "How to Fold Soup" essay (scroll down on that link to read it). So, I love him. Always have, always will.

Yet that doesn't mean all his movies are awesome. I read the book "Shopgirl" when it first came out and loved it, but the movie did not do it justice. It was slow and seemed to be trying too hard. I had such a better view of the Ray Porter character in the book than in this movie version. So, sorry Steve - not this time. I love Martin's writing. His plays and short stories are always excellent. I still recommend everyone read "Shopgirl." You should also read "Picasso at the Lapin Agile," which is an excellent play, and then also his other novel "The Pleasure of My Company." As much as I'd love to see a movie version of "Pleasure," I am also afraid that it would be ruined that way. Oh well, I still love ya, Steve. You will always have far more talent in your pinky finger than I will ever have in my entire body for my entire life.

Anywho, on Sunday I lazed around for a bit and then the wife and I went hiking at a nearby state park. I felt lazy, so it was nice to get some exercise and see some "wilderness." I can't wait til we go camping over Memorial Day Weekend.

In other news, Darren has a totally awesome guitar. That's it there on the right. And if you want to hear some awesome songs, just ask Amy to make some up for you. She is a master of improvised silly songs.

I can't seem to convince her to get any huge awesome rock star tattoos, though, so go figure.

In other other news, we've slowly started packing for the big move. And - not that I'd forgotten - as with every move I've done over my 27 years of existence, I'll say this: Packing sucks. Oh, it sucks. It is a good excuse to get rid of crap, but then you still have to pack up the crap you want to keep. We started packing up our books this weekend. My books only take up about 1/2 of our two giant 6-foot shelves - somebody else's take up about 34 boxes worth of space. I won't point any fingers, but that person's name starts with an "A" and ends with a "my."

I don't mind, though. She is a pastor and it's written in the Bible somewhere (The book of Wordiness, chapter 34, verses 15-17, NIV) that pastors must own 3,000 religion-related books, and 2,499 of those must be different interpretations, versions and translations of the Bible.

Anyway, like I said - packing sucks. There's a fantastic comedian out there somewhere whose TV show I saw once. In it, she describes the process of packing in the most exact description I've heard before. I forget her name, but here is that description based on how I remember hearing it:

"When one starts packing for the move, it's all very orderly and precise. You take the glass out of the cupboard and you wrap it carefully in newspaper and then you put it in the box that's lined with padding. Then you take another glass out of the cupboard and wrap it carefully in newspaper and again put it in that padded box. Finally that box is filled and you carefully tape it shut and write "GLASSES - KITCHEN" on it in black marker with your neat hand-writing.

"By the final box, though, it's chaos. You grab the cactus, a book, a glass of water and the cat and you shove them all in one fucking box and tape it up and wildly write 'SHIT I DON'T NEED' on it in black marker."

It's funny 'cause it's true. I googled those phrases to try to remember that comedian's name, but I can't find it. She's very funny, though, and she has her own Comedy Central 1/2-hour comedy segment.

Anyway - yeah, that's describes packing perfectly. Please remind me of that in case I post on here later in June saying that we can't find our cat.

Story-telling

For those of you in my neck of the woods - here's an event you might like to see. I'm participating in the Stoop Storytelling show on June 15th.

The theme is traveling, and so the organizers figured my time spent as a disaster reporter would give me ample story fodder - and that sure is the truth.

Anyway, the reason I'm publicizing this now is because these shows sell out very quickly. Both their past shows have sold out well in advance - even one to two weeks before showtime. So, if you're interested, get your tickets now.

I went to the last Stoop show and it was really, really cool. They invite some awesome story-tellers and the audience even gets to tell a few stories as well. The stories are funny, sad, thought-provoking and more. Plus there's live music and food - just an all-around fun event.

So, if you're around that Thursday, check it out!

/end plug

Random
At one point the other day I realized I was carrying a box of Triscuits and a fishing license. Life is never dull.

Ah, Spring

I've been MIA this week due to my head feeling like a giant bag o' snot. You're welcome for that nice visual.

Anyway, I'm not sure if it's a genuine cold or my body finally telling me that after 27 years, I can no longer say I have no springtime allergies. It wouldn't surprise me if it's allergies - there's enough pollen floating around here to kill most people. Even the bees are carrying boxes of kleenex. My car is regularly covered is a nice layer of the pollen dust every time I go outside. I could do lines off the car if I wanted to.

So I'm enjoying the spring through my box-like head and sniffly nose. I like seeing all the new leaves and flowers. What I don't like is all the spiders I keep finding. Normally I expect to see spiders moving into our apartment when it gets cold. That makes sense. I still kill them, but I understand their journey indoors. Yet now they're moving in even though it's wonderfully warm and pleasant outside. This upsets the pact I have with these horrible arachnids. My rule is that if I find a spider inside my living place, I am allowed to kill it (actually, Amy kills them, I just point them out). If I find one outside, it gets to live. That's how I roll.

The other day, though, I found a nice little hairy one sitting on top of the car right by my driver's side door. This is skirting a gray area of my rule. We're outside, so technically it's the spider's world. Yet it's on my car in the way of where I need to be. In comes the "Flicking Addendum" to my Spider Rule. If you are a spider outside but in the way of where I need to be, I'm allowed to flick you out of the way.

Of course, that means I sort of have to touch a spider, which is against my own personal Spider Rule: Never touch one with my bare hand. So at first I might blow on the spider to see if it will move. Of course it never does. They merely raise up their little front leg/claw thingees and shake them at me in anger. If I absolutely can't bring myself to touch the spider, I just get into the car as fast as I can, hoping I'll temporarly shock it with my amazing human speed so it won't have time to jump on me.

Then I enjoy seeing at what speed it takes for the wind to blow a spider off a car, cheering happily when it finally succumbs to the wind.

I'm a horrible, horrible human.

Pro-Tip

Included in this post are four photos all illustrating one reason why I should not leave freshly laundered sheets on my dining room table for too long a time.

To the left you'll see my cat Tuesday waking up from a pleasant nap on my clean sheets. She sees it as her job to test out anything soft in our house for its "nap-ability." She also likes to get her hair on everything.


You'll note that Tuesday's face in the above photo is the groggy "uh-oh, I might just be in trouble now" face. From there to save herself (because her usual cat-quick skills of running-like-hell failed) she entered Plan B of her "get out of trouble" skills: Act Cute.

So you'll see in the photo on the right the first stage of the Act Cute phase. She rolled around while purring loudly. Oh yes yes, disable me with your cuteness. If she is able to conquer me with cuteness, I won't yell or spray her with water. This first part of Acting Cute also means not making eye contact with me. Cats can be dumb and intelligent at the same time.


Obviously it's working - since I went to get the camera. Damn!


From the rolling stage Tuesday then enters the Make Eye Contact and Act Cuter Stage. For a second I freaked because that stage at one point (see at the left) looked similar to the Use The Bathroom Stage. But she was just re-positioning herself, thankfully. Tuesday continued her assault on my disciplining, slowly disarming me with cuteness. She's a true professional.




The final stage is one where Tuesday realizes she is going to be moved. She hunkers down, still using cuteness, but holds on for dear life. The fresh sheets are worth fighting for. The slightly crazed look in her eye is also a reminder that if I decide to use force, she will use her own force of sharp teeth and claws.

Obviously she didn't realize she'd already won. There I was photographing her for doing something bad. She was still shooed off the table, but the whole cat-nap did not result in any disciplinary action. You win this round, Tuesday.