Happy Thanksgiving!

Hope everyone has a great day full of good food, family, and fun. And yes, we are defrosting our 13lb turkey in a clean bucket in our bathtub - that's what we do when there's only one sink available and we're running out of time to defrost it.

Have a great turkey day, folks!

Hung Up

You know, even if I think she's a tad odd in the personality area, Madonna still knows how to make a kick-ass dance song. I am completely in love with her new song "Hung Up." It samples the old Abba song "Gimme Gimme Gimme," and it works really, really well. I don't understand how anyone would be able to sit still while listening to it - well, except for my brother. He'd be afraid of turning gay should he even tap his foot to some sort of dance song, especially if it's a Madonna song. You may as well put him in a pink dress and give him a purse.

The video is awesome, too, because there's some phenomenal dancing in it. I'm such a loser, I watched the "Making Of..." for her video last night. I know, I know, I lost some brain cells on that one. But it was interesting. She says the song is an homage to the disco era and John Travolta. She's even wearing a classy pink dance leotard and socks with high heels in it. Awesome.

Click here to check out the video, but beware that Madonna's butt really hangs out of her leotard - which is frightening in itself, but what makes it more frightening is that her butt is so muscular it could probably break a cinder block. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Anyway, I haven't heard her new album yet, but hopefully it's better than her "Music" album. That one had two or three good songs on it, the rest of it was crap. She hasn't had an amazing album since "Ray of Light."

And here's some trivia about me: Madonna is the only music artist I would sleep outside to get tickets for. I don't normally like going to concerts that much - even if I love the particular band. I just get bored really quickly. But Madonna, her shows are amazing and I'd fight a few friends of Dorothy's to get tickets.

I can't believe I just wrote an entire post about Madonna. Well, at least it's not about Britney Spears. Then I'd really go punch myself in the face.

Out of town

I was in Indiana doing tornado coverage all weekend, hence the blog quietness. The trip was good. As for transportation, the funniest part of the trip (now) was my connecting flight from Detroit to Evansville. Waiting in the gate area, I was sitting across a very large Kentucky family coming back from somewhere. No big deal, just an observation. And then one of the guys in the family sat down across from me and proceeded to dip.

So. Incredibly. Disgusting.

Look, I think smoking is a tad gross, too, but you know what? Smoking doesn't involve someone spitting out chunks of tobacco into a container. Plus, most smokers are nice enough to not blow smoke in your face and do it only two feet from you inside an airport. But this guy...ugh. This guy had a clear bottle and was spitting his chaw juice right into it, right across from me. He certainly wasn't quiet about it, either. And it was mid-sentence, too.

"Yeah, so I was out with *whack-phtoo* Donny and we was going to get a *whack-phtoo* beer with our buddies, right? *whack-phtoo* And then we was driving later on *whack-phtoo* and...."

So nasty. Normally it takes a lot to make me nauseated, but this guy did it within one minute. I got up and moved across the seating area so I wouldn't have to be near it or see it. Gross. Come on, folks. If you're going to dip, have some frickin' courtesy and not try to make everyone near you vomit.

Anyway, I start feeling better, and now it's time to get on the plane. A flight from Detroit to Evansville will have you on a very small plane about three seats across. Fortunately, I don't have to sit next to the chewing tobacco guy. I settle into my seat and we take off. I'm about to doze off when I hear it. The most disgusting, liquidy cough I have ever heard. The whole plane (about 20 of us) shifts uncomfortably. And it continued. I don't know who it was, but Mr. Liquid McVomitcough kept it up for the ENTIRE FLIGHT. I put on headphones, I tried to read, I tried to sleep...nothing could take me away from it. I kept hearing it, some guy coughing up 15 lungs every minute or so.

I could not have been happier to get off that plane. I was even happy to get my putt-putt rental car, which was another Chevy Eyesore (aka, the Chevy Aveo). Who cares - at least no one was behind me coughing up internal organs or across from me spitting tobacco.

Sorry for the gross post, but I had to share. To take your mind of gross stuff, please enjoy this cute photo of a baby hippo about to eat a woman.

Veteran's Day
Look folks, whether you agree with the war or not, today is Veteran's Day. The awesome guy to the left there is my cousin Carlos, who is currently on his second tour over in Iraq.

So, whether you support the war or not, or whether you've supported past wars - that does not matter. Go thank a vet today. Thank them every day, actually.

And you know what else? If you really care, start standing up and speaking out for policies that help them get better benefits. It's amazing that after all these men and women do for us, they are frequently left on their own with little or nothing to support them later in life as far as the Veterans Administration goes.

Many come home from war seriously wounded and their families are unable to afford to see them in the hospital or support themselves without the main breadwinner. Donate to organizations like the Armed Forces Foundation, which helps families of injured service members see their loved ones even if they can't afford to stay in hotels near the hospitals. Other organizations are now popping up to help the kids of lost servicemen and women afford college.

So, thanks Vets. Thanks to my dad, my brother, both my grandfathers, my uncles, my cousin Carlos, my cousin Kevin and my many friends who are in the armed forces. And thanks to the rest that I don't know personally.

You all deserve more than just one day each year.

Oregon Trail

Last night the wife and I visited 1988 by downloading and playing Oregon Trail. Wow - what memories! I had forgotten how much fun and just how silly the game is. If you need a reminder, visit this website.

Anywho, after dowloading it and the Apple IIe emulator (which you need to play it on Windows since it's so old school) - we picked out just who would be joining us in our wagon. Our wagon included Me, Amy, our cat Tuesday - and then just to flash back to our juvenile elementary school selves (although maybe an older immaturity), we also brought along Whore and Slut. Come on - you know you used to enter silly names when you played this in third grade. I think favorites of mine when I was younger included "Poo" and "Butt." We'd giggle incessantly when those names appeared and hope the teacher didn't notice.

Anywho, once Me, Amy, Tuesday, Whore and Slut were loaded up, we went shopping for our supplies. My favorite thing used to be to buy as little clothing as possible and then giggle as I imagined a wagonload of nude people heading west. Amy disagreed and actually made us all buy clothing. Oh well.

Once loaded up with our $800 worth of supplies, we headed out. The journey was just as boring as you remember, the only high points being hunting, crossing rivers and then seeing whose name would pop up as the next injured, sick or dead person. Our wagon was plagued by poor navigation as we seemed to repeatedly lose the trail and therefore lose five to six days. Amy was apparently the clumsiest person on the trip as she broke her leg twice, got a snakebite, and then just randomly died. Tuesday got typhoid twice and pulled through just fine. And we only got to giggle at our names once, when Whore ended up with a snakebite.

We also only tipped over in the river once, but didn't lose too much stuff. We also dealt with a recurring thief, who worked his way up from stealing two sets of clothing, to four bullets, to finally five of our oxen. Ass. This game needs to be more realistic - I mean - who wouldn't notice someone wandering off with five of our oxen?

Hunting took up an insane amount of time - as Amy would have us spend days shooting at bears and deer. I think I won for most dead animals on the screen at once, having killed two deer, a bear and a squirrel. Not that it mattered as you can only carry 100lbs of food back to your wagon. What's the point? Here's the point: I helped decimate the buffalo population. I killed as many as possible just to stay true to our Westward Ho! heritage.

In any case, we did make it to Oregon and ended up as Greenhorns - which is irritating. Did any of you guys ever actually score above a Greenhorn? I remember being annoying that no matter how many times I played the game, I'd still end up with only enough points to be a Greenhorn.

Oh well. Go download the game, folks, and bring up some good memories.

WHORE has a snakebite.

Hooray for idiots!

Yesterday I got to watch my Cincinnati Bengals beat up on the Baltimore Ravens live and in person. I bought the tickets off my boss, who has season tickets to the Ravens.

So, Sunday morning Amy and I threw on our Bengals' jerseys and headed off into the enemy's territory, aka M&T Bank Stadium.

After paying an assload to park ($20? Are you kidding me?!), we made it into the stadium and pretty much had to seek out Magellan to find our seats. I think they deliberately make seats hard to get to for the other team's fans.

So, we finally get to our section and it's a great view of the field. Nice and high and not too far on one end of the field. Then we see the fans we have to sit with, and none look too happy to have two Cincy fans suddenly in their section. The guy at the end of our row even dismissed us when we wanted to slip past him to our seats.

"Yeah, you can wait - I'm watching the game," he sneered. Suck it.

We were finally allowed to our seats and then watched the wonderful game. It was pretty good for a while, and then the Ravens started crumbling. I really enjoyed watching some other team crumble for once. The fans around us ended up being rather friendly, too. One asked us how we ended up as Bengals fans and we had a nice conversation.

I also loved hearing the Ravens' fans booing their own team. I know that pain - I know it well. Plus I learned a few new choice insults that are too foul to post here. Let's just say that Ravens' fans are creative when it comes to creating new insults.

When the game ended (21 to 9, woo!), Amy and I headed out and moved toward the best story of the day. Once out in the walkway area where all the concession stands are, Amy said she neeeded to tie her shoe. So we moved off to the side and she bent down to tie her shoe. I stood behind her. As I waited, I heard someone behind me mutter, "Go away." I wasn't entirely sure it was directed at me both because I wasn't fully paying attention and because I wasn't even looking at anyone, really. Then came the other phrase.

"Lesbians..." the same gruff voice mumbled angrily. Um yeah, that was directed toward us. Amy was still tying her shoe, so I quickly turned around to face the mumbler.

"Hey - thanks for noticing!" I said cheerily, waving to him.

The look on his face was priceless. Here was this large burly fan, decked out in Ravens gear, who could have easily palmed my head. And I made him get red and turn his eyes away. I actually embarrassed him.

I kept smiling and turned back around, and then Amy and I moved on. We laughed our asses off the whole way back to the car. I mean, really, if you're going to insult us - at least use a derogatory phrase instead of just stating the obvious. Although, had he used another more choice word, I would've thanked him, too. That stuff doesn't bother me, really - especially if it's front of a bunch of other people. What better way for me to embarrass him than by putting on a big smile and thanking him for noticing?

Have a nice day. Oh yeah, and WHO DEY, bee-atches.

Florida

I disappeared again this week - another work trip to Florida. This time I hit up the east coast and traveled about 600+ miles in three days. From Florida City to Melbourne, I saw lots of the state.

Some notes on my trip:

-Normally I don't think Florida drivers are crazy, but apparently they are on the east coast of the state. I was flicked off, cut off, and honked at for infractions that were not my fault. I enjoy being flicked off by someone who just cut me off. It must be a defensive move whenever someone realizes they were just an asshole on the road and got honked at for almost causing a wreck.

-I was also taunted by an old lady. I normally have interesting things happen to me while in Florida, but this was a first. There I was, driving into the parking lot of a grocery store. This old woman was about to cross the parking lot street in front of me. I was driving slowly, but the butt of my car was still in the intersection. So instead of causing an accident and leaving my car's ass out there, I kept driving slowly and didn't allow the little old lady to cross the street.

That was the wrong thing to do according to the old lady. Incensed that she had to spend another THREE SECONDS waiting for a car to pass, she walked up to my driver's side window as I passed and shook her head and finger at me in a sort of a "Shame on you" manner. Are you kidding me?! I stared at her for a second and then taunted her back as I slowly rolled by. That's right, I taunted an old woman. From a moving vehicle. I mocked her by shaking my head and finger at her in the same manner. Normally I like the elderly. I've volunteered at nursing homes. I've played bingo with them. But this crap, come on. Just because you hit 65 doesn't give you the right to start expecting everything on a silver platter. Use the crosswalk like everyone else.

-Here's some roadkill you don't see everyday: I saw a dead alligator on the side of the I-95. It was pretty awesome.

-As an incentive to keep layering on the sunscreen like I always do - come on, older women of Florida, seriously, sit in the shade for once. I never saw so many leathery old women before. Now I know what it would look like if strips of beef jerky could walk.

-Miami is a very cool city. Very trendy, very fun, very expensive. I saw this very nice BMW SUV - brand new, shiny, black, dark tinted windows. Very, very nice. And then I saw the vanity license plate:

"69 BABE"

Classy. Way to dress up that beemer.